BY MITCHELL ROSEN
MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPIST

There is a sickening feeling that comes over a person when they are in a class they know is over their head.

Although it has been 40-plus years, I still remember sitting in Algebra 2 at Taft High School, staring out the window because I had not a clue what the teacher was saying. After class I would trudge home, open my math book and attempt to understand equations that made no sense when the teacher explained them. I was resigned to get all passing grades and one F.

It made sense to me at the time. I would do really well, get all As and Bs in my other classes and retake algebra over the summer. I became consummate at hiding my homework, quizzes and test grades from my parents. When my father would ask, "So how is math going?" I would look him straight in the eye and lie: "Fine. Tough sometimes, but I'm getting it."

When my midterm progress report came home and revealed a 53 percent, my parents knew I was less than honest. I hated lying to them but was not ready to accept I was required to take a class I could not pass no matter how hard I tried. I was toast and there was nothing anyone could do.

My father tried tutoring me himself. My dad was a math whiz and even though it had been decades since he'd taken algebra, he was a CPA and a savant at math. It was eerie. He could read any chapter in my algebra book, take a deep breath, then look at me and understand every nuance, every equation and every weird step necessary to complete the problems.

It didn't take long to discover having my own father tutoring me was a terrible idea. Finally one night about 1 a.m., my mom came into my dad's study and observed, with the eloquence only a mother possesses, "This is nuts. Mitch needs a tutor and it ain't you."

I got a tutor and hated him. He was nice enough, but seriously, I spent all day in school doing work, came home, did homework and then was supposed to be grateful to spend an additional hour studying the class I hated the most?

After failing the class, I got one more chance to pass it over the summer. Yippee. It was a disgusting class I was trapped in for four hours from 8 a.m. until noon, Monday through Friday, when the rest of my friends were at Pier 2 at Santa Monica beach with their boogie boards. What I learned that summer however, changed my life. I squeaked by with a C-minus and never took a math class again, but my parents made it clear there was no escaping (X-Y) + (X+Y) = Z. I moped and sulked and swore, but once it was clear I had to do the algebra whether I liked it or not, my life oddly became easier.

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BY MITCHELL ROSEN
MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPIST

This is the time of year college-bound seniors will begin to get early acceptance letters from universities. Anxious young men and women pore over the mail in their parents' mailbox. It is a very personal and lonely time for 17- and 18-year-olds as they open letters they feel will determine their futures.

I am not minimizing the value of setting a goal and obtaining it. But getting into a school and graduating from it are whole different issues. Yes, some schools have statistics that tout the percentage of students who enroll and then graduate within four years as over well over 70 percent. Less encouraging are the schools that hover around 50 percent or below.

Educators interview their students and try figuring out with some statistical certainty just how many will walk down the aisle four, even five years later, and the reason or reasons so many do not. For every parent who has sent off a son or daughter on a day filled with encouragement only to discover the path was not set in stone, these parents and young adults have to adjust to a difficult detour.

If I had to list the top reasons young men and women do not make it through and wind up back home without a degree, several obstacles emerge: Alcohol and drugs, love gone wrong, video games, depression (the late teens and early 20s are the prime ages for many of the more serious emotional disorders to present), finances, too much or too little supervision; these are the problems that I see derail so many university students.

So how do families minimize the odds their child will go to college only to return without a degree? There is no one-size-fits-all, but I have found among those students who are successful there is a continued contact with parents and home. It may not be every day, even every week, but whether by cellular, email or trips home, students who enjoy their independence yet are comfortable with their families seem to have a foundational advantage.

Understanding the first year is often the hardest is also essential. Taking a full load plus an extra few classes and working part-time the first year of college is not for everyone. Yes, the more units you take, the early one graduates, but once that first D or F rolls in, the whole tenor of what is possible, even likely, changes.

Many can handle working and a full-time load but the first year may not be the time to load up on difficult classes required to graduate. Every university I have toured has a student health center with counseling services attached. There is no shame and always anonymity. It may be humbling, but so many young men and women struggle that first year. Making an appointment and sitting down for an hour may be the most important college experience of all.

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BY DEBBIE YOCUM
GUEST AUTHOR

I could hear the sobs from a distant part of the house. Then I could hear footsteps getting closer. The cries were not getting louder as the footsteps approached, which meant that whoever was doing the walking would soon be doing the talking, trying to explain the cries from the other room.

Within seconds my 9-year-old son was standing next to me, his face looking anywhere but at me as I grabbed my coat for the drive to school.

"Why is your sister crying? I asked. "Because I clocked her," he answered, staring up at me without even looking a bit guilty.

As we walked towards my daughter's room to check on her and to plead for her to get ready, my son and I discussed why hitting was not an option. He told me that he only hit her to defend himself because, as he explained things, "She hit me first!" The fight started because of my daughter's tendency to boss her little brother around, which she did this morning by trying to hold his toothbrush while he was brushing his own teeth. The "pay-attention-to-me-now" behavior from my daughter was not appreciated by her little brother and this morning it resulted in a pushing-and-shoving war ending in tears.

There's a difference in my daughter's behavior from her little brother's. Her gender plays a role but so does the fact that she is a middle child. Sigmund Freud was the first to point out the importance of birth order and how it affects our lives, although today's psychologists will point out that birth order is only one in a long list of variables.

Psychologists say first-born children tend to try harder to please their parents; they want to do things right and follow the rules. A second child will be more relaxed, less concerned about getting things right, but they will try harder to draw attention to themselves because they get less attention from their parents than their older or younger siblings. Youngest children tend to be more creative. They like to put fun into activities and may be less inclined to worry about what someone else thinks about them or be concerned with time or boundaries.

Only children are good at working alone for long periods of time. They are strategic thinkers but can also be secretive and do not like to deal with conflict.

Famous first-borns include Winston Churchill, Hilary Clinton and Oprah Winfrey. Famous second-born children? Bob Hope, JFK, Madonna and Princess Diana. And famous "babies" include Ronald Reagan, Jim Carrey, Drew Carey and Billy Crystal. Celebrities who are "only" children include Lance Armstrong, Lauren Bacall, Burt Bacharach, Leonardo Da Vinci and Mahatma Gandhi.

I am the youngest of three girls, born a year apart to parents who were both only children. My parents did not understand sibling rivalry because they expected us to be thrilled to have siblings; it was something they had wanted growing up. I am sure my mother wanted to cover her ears when she heard "Mom, she's looking at me!" or "It's not fair!" over and over. I hear those words now and think back to my experiences with my sisters. My parents did not have that experience, so they handled things differently based on what they knew and based on the behavior of an only child, which in many instances was to avoid conflict.

I can remember my oldest sister insisting that we play by her rules. She now has her Masters in Science with a degree in psychology. She has a strong combination of skills and behaviors typical of a first-born child. My middle sister was beautiful and she learned to use her looks to get what she wanted, and as long as she got want what she wanted, everything was fine. I was the youngest, the creative one, and I still encourage my children to look for the fun in life. I can see the behaviors of my sisters and I in my children. All of them reflect a certain way of doing things based on birth order. The oldest follows the rules, the middle is the spitting image of my middle sister in looks and behavior and the youngest always tries to find the creative side of things.

My experience with my sisters reflects on the way that I interact with my children. Conflict cannot be avoided, so my husband and I have insisted that communication is the key to working out problems that pop up on a daily basis. Sadly I have no communication with my sisters, and my relationship with my parents is less than what I hope for. I cherished my great-aunt and grandparents. I would love my children to have those same relationships. I know my parents love us but the middle road is hard for them to find without offending another family member. Comfort may be found in avoiding conflict, and conflict is ultimately what would happen if we tried to resolve our issues -- but the reward of facing conflict would be a family that could be whole again. No one is 100 percent to blame but everyone would have to step up 100 percent to make it work. But that is what family is supposed to be about.

On the drive to school, my kids were in the backseat, talking, laughing and once again acting like best friends. My wish for them is that they will grow up knowing that they are loved now and forever by their parents and by their siblings. I hope that they will grow old together with their families by their side, spending their future holidays, special events and birthdays together. that might mean older ones bossing the younger ones around, the middle ones making sure all the attention is on them, and the youngest one just making sure that everyone is having a good time!

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Diane Mitchell, a Momarama reader from Hemet, wrote in about the flap over Susan G. Komen for the Cure's decision last week to stop giving money to Planned Parenthood.

Komen gives about $700,000 annually to Planned Parenthood for breast exams and mammogram referrals, many for low-income women. The organization said it had a new policy banning financial support to organizations under investigation; Congress is investigating whether Planned Parenthood illegally used federal money to pay for abortions.

On Friday the Komen organization reversed itself, agreeing to once again give grants to Planned Parenthood.

Today Komen's senior vice president of public policy, Karen Handel, resigned. To read more on that, click here.

Mitchell emailed to say:

"You are so right to point out the high emotional elements of this issue.

"As a woman over 60, I have watched women die of breast cancer, and survive it; I have known women whose lives were saved by the ability to abort unplanned pregnancies; and I have agonized over discarded fetuses as I dealt with my own inability to carry any pregnancy to term.

"I truly can see all sides of this issue, and so I try to be guided not by emotion, but by what is rational and what is best for women's health. Knowledge is indeed power and it has been proven repeatedly that when women can plan their families, the entire community benefits.

"So it is clear to me that comprehensive health care must be available to all girls and women, and that includes choices that some may disapprove. Abortion should be safely available to those women who need it; and politicians should not come between any woman and her medical advisors.

I am amazed and sad that we are still arguing about this in the 21st century!"

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The Banning Cultural Alliance will present the 4th annual Black Heritage Celebration at the Banning Center for the Arts on Feb. 25. The event will honor three outstanding participants in the community.

Live entertainment will be provided by singer Zelyne Rudolph, Didi Jackson on the keyboard and a solo performance by Alliance youth, Kaylee Daugherty.

Tickets to the event, which cost $10, include a soul food dinner from Brandiva and Sir Jerks Catering.

The Banning Center for the Arts is located at 130 N. San Gorgonio in Banning. For more information or to purchase tickets, call 951-922-4911 or visit www.BanningCulturalAlliance.org.

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

Despite perpetual browbeating from me, my children's manners still need work.

Conversations with Son, age 12, go like this:

Me: "In five minutes, please set the table."
Son: (Silence.)
Me: "Son, I need you to set the table soon."
Son: (Silence.)
Me: "Did you hear me?"
Son: "I said 'uh-huh'!"

Daughter, 9, has surly moments marked by that grate-on-Mom's-nerves whine.

So it's a relief when people say my children are sweet and respectful. The father of one of Daughter's friends once told me Daughter "is always welcome here. She's a good girl, and so polite!" (I kept mum about the verbal brawl that preceded their play date.) In restaurants she unfailingly says "chicken nuggets, please," to the server - without prompting. One of Son's instructors pointed out Son's kindness to one of his elders. Apparently he actually uttered a sentence containing the words "yes" and "please" at an intelligible volume.

It takes effort to raise well-mannered kids. After all, who has energy for this after battling to get out the door in the morning and checking homework in the afternoon? Experts say the work starts with us.

"In today's electronic age, I find that many children are not learning proper manners because they do not see proper manners at home or at school," said Marianne Cohen, with Mannersmith Etiquette, a Marblehead, Mass.-based firm teaching manners to "children to CEOs." (See Mannersmith.com.)

The daily rush often doesn't allow a meal together, "where the children can see proper manners at play," she said, "and learn the art of carrying on a conversation."

"The best way to ensure a child is displaying proper manners is to role-model correct behavior," Cohen said. "If the parent has a smart phone, not texting at the table or leaving it on the table will show their child the correct way to behave."

(Momarama's resident marriage and family therapist, Mitchell Rosen, recently wrote about the impact of a hand-written thank you note. Read that column here.)

Cohen asked middle-schoolers, " 'If a group of us are in a conversation and suddenly turn around and walk away, is this rude?' And their answer was a resounding 'yes.' But then I asked, 'If we are in a group conversation and I receive a text, and text back in front of all of you, is that rude?' " They got it.

Cohen suggests mealtime games. In one, everyone pretends to be a different member of the family. "In addition to your mimicking their behaviors, it is always interesting to see what they have picked up from your behaviors. After the meal, switch back ... Ask what was good and what was bad and how you can all work on being more polite going forward."

Another game: Put a small bowl by each person's plate. "The adults' should be empty. The children's should have about 20 small pieces of candy. Set down a few rules, such as "chew with your mouth closed," and "ask with 'please'/'thank you.' When a child forgets a rule, the adult takes one piece of candy from the child's bowl and places it in the adult's bowl. ... Once the adults have a few pieces in their bowls, they can also make mistakes and allow the kids to win back their candy."

Etiquette seems archaic and prissy, but manners never go out of style. "[A] lack of social confidences and graces will become more apparent as children move into their teen years and begin interacting with adults more," Cohen said. "This deficit will impact them greatly. Not being able to look an adult in the eye or carry on a proper conversation by saying 'yes' instead of 'uh-huh' will mean the difference of not acing the admissions or job interview."

Pass the nice tone of voice, please.

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Momarama reader Shirley Harms responded to Sunday's column and blog post about the controversy that erupted last week over Susan G. Komen for the Cure's decision to pull funding from Planned Parenthood -- and on Friday, to restore it after a week of criticism from women and women's groups.

(You can read the post by clicking here.)

Harms emailed to say:

"Which decision was the right one? [Withdrawing Planned Parenthood's funding or reinstating it?] Easy. Restoring funding to Planned
Parenthood was the only compassionate decision.

A second decision I would recommend would be to replace CEO Nancy Brinker.
What was she thinking? To suggest that no political influence was involved
is naïve at best. There is no question that early detection of breast cancer
through screenings by Planned Parenthood has saved many lives. To support
stopping this valuable service seems to be irony at its very worst.

I have not had breast cancer, but both my parents, as well as friends
younger than I am, have died of various cancers. Sincere efforts for early
detection and treatment of this horrific disease should not be dismissed
with such little regard as this was. Period.

Sincerely,
Shirley D. Harms."

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Need to clear your head? Wake up? The Polar Plunge into Big Bear Lake might be the answer. And the plunge is for a great cause.

On March 10, the inaugural Big Bear Lake Polar Plunge will take place to raise funds to help sponsor year-round sports training programs and athletic competitions for children and adults with intellectual disabilities in the Inland region of Special Olympics Southern California.

Individuals who take the polar plunge challenge are asked to raise at least $50 through pledges. Participants who reach this goal will get an official polar plunge t-shirt. Special Olympics supporters who prefer to stay out of the freezing mountain waters can still raise pledge money, but must register as a "chicken" and will still receive an "I'm too Chicken to Plunge" t-shirt.

"All it takes is a few seconds in the chilly water for plungers to discover why we refer to it as 'freezin' for a reason,'" said Abbey Leffler, Special Olympics Southern California regional director. "They will immediately feel their hearts warm up with joy because they know they are giving to a great cause."

There will be awards given out to best costumes and those who raise big money. Pledgers can invite friends and family to watch their jump. There will be a family fun area, guest emcee, DJ music, a souvenir stand, vendors and a raffle drawing. There will also be a free barbeque lunch for participants and spectators may purchase lunch tickets.

The event will take place at Meadow Park at 41220 Park Ave. in Big Bear Lake. Registration is from 10 a.m. to noon. Admission is free, but donations are accepted. To register as a jumper, visit www.sosc.org/bigbearplunge or call 951-672-7707 or email aleffler@sosc.org.

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

Should Susan G. Komen for the Cure, the giant breast cancer nonprofit, yank funding from Planned Parenthood?

That's the question at the center of last week's firestorm surrounding Komen, which until now enjoyed a saintly reputation as a nonprofit raising huge sums for breast cancer research and to pay for mammograms, the most commonly used screening tool for breast tumors.

Planned Parenthood, on the other hand, has no such luxury when it comes to image. Because about 3 percent of the services this nonprofit provides are abortions (the 2010 figure cited by the group's website), it has been a longtime lightning rod in the perpetual American debate over the legality and morality of abortion.

In the past five years, Planned Parenthood used Komen grants to provide about 170,000 breast exams and more than 6,400 mammogram referrals, according to the Planned Parenthood website. Screenings for several cancers comprised 14.5 percent of its services in 2010. The site also notes that many of its clients are low-income women with little other access to medical care.

When Komen announced it would halt grants to Planned Parenthood, it faced a blizzard of protest from women accusing it of caving to anti-abortion politics. Komen CEO Nancy Brinker denied this, responding without intitially mentioning Planned Parenthood by name, that the reason for the change was an updated funding policy that excludes groups under federal, state or local investigation. (Congress is investigating whether Planned Parenthood illegally used federal money for abortions.)

On Friday, Brinker reversed the decision, saying Komen will amend its policy, to only block funding to groups under investigations that are "criminal and conclusive in nature and not political."

I feel sorry for Brinker, clearly blindsided by an angry public. You can't go near the topic of abortion without fanning an inferno. Apparently, legions of women who until now harbored only respect and gratitude for Komen felt personally betrayed by a decision they felt would limit access to mammograms.

If you or a loved one have had breast cancer - or if you've watched someone succumb to it - you understand the emotions of last week's controversy. This cancer affects one in eight American women at some point in their life. I once attended a fitness event with about 10 other women. The instructor mentioned this statistic, looked around our little circle and said: "That means at least one of us will have breast cancer someday. Which one of us will it be?" The memory still gives me chills.

Breast cancer's the third-largest killer of American women, after heart disease and lung cancer. Komen predicts 39,510 U.S women will die of it this year. Most are over 40, but the disease can strike at mercilessly young ages, at women in their 30s or younger whose children are only babies. The elderly aren't spared either. My grandmother required a lumpectomy - her only bout with breast cancer - in her 80s. Breast cancer claims mothers, wives, sisters, daughters.

The good news? Nearly all women whose breast cancer's caught before spreading beyond the breast survive at least five years, according to Komen. The greatest tools for early detection: Self-exams and mammograms. In theory, applying the 1-in-8 ratio, mammograms could save more than 19 million women.

Will those millions of mothers and daughters care whether their mammogram is provided by a clinic that also performs abortions? (Or, for that matter, one under Congressional investigation for something unrelated to mammograms?)

Which of Komen's decisions last week - to pull funding from Planned Parenthood, regardless of the reason, or to restore it - was the right one?

Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

Did you catch the pushup challenge between Ellen DeGeneres and First Lady Michelle Obama this week?

Thursday's episode of "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" featured an appearance by Obama, to promote her "Let's Move!" campaign to fight childhood obesity.

DeGeneres hauled a class of grade-schoolers and a fitness trainer onto the set to show off some basic cardio movies. Obama happily joined in.

In my house, though, what got the most attention was the pushup contest DeGeneres sprung on the FLOTUS. After some playful banter, Obama tossed off her jacket and both women dropped to the floor for a set of pushups -- the full-body, "man-style" ones, mind you, not any prissy bend-your-knees version.

Obama did 25 pushups, besting Degeneres by at least four or five -- and she didn't even seem out of breath. (To see a video clip, click here.)

My 9-year-old, who copies anything a beautiful older woman does, and my 12-year-old, whose had a bit of pushup training between gym class and a few karate lessons, didn't say much about this performance. But neither could take their eyes off it, either.

How cool is it that a famous female entertainer and the powerful and glamorous First Lady of the United States are both fit enough to drop for 20 on a moment's notice?

Earlier chitchat between DeGeneres and Obama touched on the "normal" life the Obamas try to maintain for their two daughters, ages 10 and 13 -- including household chores the girls are still required to do, White House address or not. Turns out the Obama kids are supposed to make their beds, take care of their dog and do the laundry. Wow, how familiar!

My kids seemed less impressed by the presidential model of chores than the one on fitness. Well, one of two isn't bad for an evening in front of the TV?

Do your kids know who Michelle Obama is? Are they familiar with the causes she promotes? Would watching a female national celebrity flex her muscles on TV make them sit up and take notice?

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The Lake Elsinore Outlets Kids Outlet has a variety of activities lined up for the month of February. All activities, which are free and open to the public, take place in Suite 106 from 11 a.m. to noon Wednesdays and Fridays.

Each Wednesday throughout the month, Lake Elsinore Library will host a story time with interactive stories, familiar nursery rhymes and a craft.

Today, the Lizard Wizard will visit. Children can touch a python, an iguana and the shell of a giant tortoise. There will also be insects and other animals. Visit www.lizardwizardandfriends.com for more information about the Lizard Wizard.

On Feb. 10, children can visit the Kids Outlet to create a Valentine's Day Puppet or Card Bag.

On Feb. 17, young sports fans can scratch the name and logo of a favorite sports team onto a Magic Color Pennant and design a giant paper finger.

Lastly, on Feb. 24 children can participate in a panda jar craft to hold favorite cookies or other treats.

For more information call the outlet at 951-245-0087 or visit www.lakeelsinoreoutlet.com.

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

Healthy Child, Healthy World, has a very informative conversation with pediatrician Dr. Robert Sears on its website, healthychild.org

This Los Angeles-based nonprofit group's mission is to "empower parents to protect children from harmful chemicals."

Sears wrote "The Autism Book," and just this question-and-answer session alone provides a good primer on what the medical community knows, and doesn't, about autism.

To read the full interview, click here.

Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com

BY MITCHELL ROSEN
MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPIST

Now that school has resumed, so has the struggle with homework. Many parents tell me, "Christmas vacation was wonderful. Three weeks with no arguments about homework. I wish our home could always be this peaceful. Makes me wonder if it's worth it -- the tug-of-war over homework every single night when our relationship is so happy if we tiptoe around it."

Ah bliss! Yes, it's a good thing for a parent to discover they really can have a close and loving relationship with their child. Problem is, the child lives in a world with expectations, bosses, deadlines and accountability. So if our job was to prepare children for learning to play video games, hang out with the family or excel at board games, no problem. The reality is the purpose of being a parent is to prepare our children to be able to function without us. An independent child is the highest compliment a parent can receive. We may not make a profit raising them -- in fact, financially it's a losing proposition -- but if at the end you can sit back and see your child as confident and self-sufficient, then it's all worth it.

So is the nightly fighting over homework really worth it? It is if you don't want your kids living with you into their 50s. I have had many friends, neighbors and acquaintances who have grown children living with them and the "kids" are into their 40s. Not because of a sudden turn of events like divorce, loss of a job or domestic violence, but because the parents never insisted their children come up with an exit strategy.

Sometimes when this happens it is the parent more than the child whose needs are coming first. The parent is so enmeshed with their child they really don't want them to become independent, go off to college, get married and leave. No, they are still "my baby" even though the baby is 6'2" tall and 180 lbs.

Homework is not fun, but the fights over homework are not just about homework. They are about values, who is in charge, learning to delay gratification and building pride and confidence. It is difficult for students to feel proud of themselves when they receive failing grades or are pulled aside by the teacher and asked, "Why haven't you turned in your assignments?"

That is why I encourage parents to have their students turn in late work even if they get half or no credit. If you have an assignment, the value being instilled is that it must be completed. Getting credit or not is another issue. Being a student means you understand there are expectations. When a child sits in that classroom, their presence is saying, "I am here in good faith that you will do your best to educate me and I will do my best to learn."

Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

Moms know it's hard to take off the "baby weight," even many months after giving birth.

There are plenty of reasons this baby fat likes to stick around: hormones, sleep deprivation, less time for workouts or preparing health foods. Of course, nibbling mac-n-cheese and chicken nuggets from your child's plate doesn't help.

Rachael Pontillo is a mom who is quite familiar with all of that, yet she managed to lose 70 lbs. after bearing her second child.

Pontillo is a wellness coach, among other things, who blogs about health and wellness and runs her own company, Holistically Haute.

This week she penned a no-nonsense piece about how she shed those 70 lbs., despite all the usual demands of motherhood. And she offers up strategies on how to teach young children to appreciate healthy food.

Some of her advice? Eat whole, raw foods. Pick exercise you love and never commit to exercise you hate. Don't be a short-order cook.

To read Pontillo's full article, click here.

Now go find an apple.

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My 10-year-old daughter is involved in this GATE (Gifted and Talented Education) after-school program over the next few weeks. Every Tuesday afternoon they meet and do some sort of mad-cap science experimentation. The first week she needed an empty plastic container with a lid and three rocks for the class. So we tracked that down and she trucked it off to school to create crystals with some sort of salt and ammonia mixture. I'm not sure where the rocks came into play.

The next week (last Tuesday) they needed balloons and baking soda to make the balloons blow themselves up. They also learned how to make a homemade volcano explode. So all the kids went home ready to blow stuff up. Yikes.

Next week she needs another empty plastic container with a lid, an empty water bottle and a chicken bone - preferably wing or thigh. So now I'm wondering what kind of voodoo experimentation these kids will be doing Tuesday. Regardless, I stripped down a chicken bone for her, boiled it clean and have it ready for next week's class. At least she didn't ask for a rag doll and some pins.

BY JANET ZIMMERMAN
GUEST AUTHOR

Stanford University researchers have turned up some interesting findings about the detrimental effects of too many electronics on girls aged 8 to 12.

In short, the study found that girls who use numerous digital devices at once, such as TV, cell phones and music, tended to feel less social success and slept less.

The researchers found the negative effects could be countered by face-to-face converstation with other people.

To see a story about the study, which was published this week in "Developmental Psychology," go to http://news.stanford.edu/news/2012/january/tweenage-girls-multitasking-012512.html.

My Learning Studio in Woodcrest is bringing back its Workshops and Classes for kids starting in February. The weekly classes combine creative fun with educational topics using art and science experimentation. Here's the lineup for what's coming.

On Feb. 6, the S.T.E.M. (Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics) Workshop "States of Matter" will begin, with classes every Monday afternoon. This advanced science workshop is for youth ages 11 and older will focus on the connections between classroom subject content and the real world.

The "Silly Science Workshops" begins Feb. 7 and will continue every Tuesday afternoon. Students will explore and create science projects every week.

On Wednesday afternoons beginning Feb. 8, "Simply Creative Art Class" will include projects such as making butterflies out of coffee filters and creative mosaics from craft paper.

And lastly, on Thursday afternoons starting Feb. 9, the "Creative Arts Workshop" will include glass painting, character drawing and working with clay.

The classes cost $49.99 for five weeks. For further details visit www.mylearningstudio.com or call 951-789-5402.

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

Tomorrow is Feb. 1 - a month after New Year's Day, when many of us set resolutions for 2012.

How many of us stuck to those resolutions for even one month? Yeah, I know, it's not easy. I haven't made much progress on my goal either. I swore I would follow - to the letter - daily instructions on flylady.com, a website devoted to keeping the house clean and organized. I'm still not carrying out its daily instructions, though I have tackled some small organizational tasks (decluttering and organizing the medicine cabinet and linen closet).

When my family had a little goal-setting conversation on New Year's Day (read about it here), the kids surprised my husband and me by announcing they'd like to visit Japan. We talked about how, to accomplish that, they'd have to figure out what steps are necessary to make such a trip happen (save a certain amount of money each month, learn how to get passports), and work on those little steps consistently over time.

After a few days of Japan talk, the kids stopped mentioning it. Either it wasn't really that important to them, or they were forced (by Mom and Dad) to turn their attention to science fair projects, which they've finally completed, after weeks of torturous work. (Find more on that by clicking here.) Japan or no Japan, tonight's dinner conversation will focus on how they just accomplished big goals, even though they probably didn't view science fair projects as goals per se. The kids had to finish a quality project, on time. To do that, they had to spend a little time on many days forming hypotheses, doing research, etc. I especially want to point out how great it feels to have these projects finished (and that goes for Hubby and I, too).

A month into 2012, as my attention to my own goal is waning, I'm reminded of motivational advice that applies to kids just as much as parents. To meet a goal:

Write it down. This strategy comes from motivational experts seemingly everywhere, including Kidshealth.org. (Click here for motivational tips aimed directly at teens).

Make your goal specific. "I want to become a runner" is less effective than "I want to run a 5K three months from now." Specificity helps because it makes it easier "to plan for and master a specific goal than a vague one," Kidshealth notes - and you also know definitively when you've met the goal.

Understand why you want to achieve this goal. Momarama's marriage and family therapist Mitchell Rosen wrote in his Jan. 21 column that a commitment to change means more than whatever date you started the effort (Jan. 1, a big birthday, etc.). To read that post, click here.

Gleb Reys, who writes about productivity on his blog, Personaldevelopment.ie, says: "If you're ever stuck with some task you hate and there seems to be no motivation to complete it whatsoever, here's what you need to do: Find your good reasons. They may not be obvious, but stay at it until you see some, as this will bring your motivation back and will help you finish the task."

Do your kids have good reasons behind their goals? Maybe they'd have more goals if they thought about the benefits they'd gain from meeting those goals.

As for parents struggling to motivate their kids regarding schoolwork in particular, special-education teacher Richard Lavoie offers "six Ps" in his book, "The Motivation Breakthrough: 6 Secrets for Turning On the Tuned-Out Child."

They are: praise, power, projects (connecting several subjects), people (positive relationships), prizes (given intermittently, and as a surprise) and prestige (for certain kids who need public recognition). For more about Lavoie's book, see a USAToday interview with the author, by clicking here.

How do you keep motivated when reaching a goal seems difficult or tedious? How do you encourage some stick-to-it-iveness in your children? Are your kids natural goal-setters, or is this something you have to teach them?

Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com

BY TAMI ALEXANDER
GUEST AUTHOR

If you're looking for family-friendly fun on Superbowl Sunday, try the third annual Superbowl Sunday Game Day event at the Orange Terrace Community Center and Park, hosted by Prevent Child Abuse Riverside County.

The event will include a dozen former NFL All-Stars in the VIP section, including Kermit Alexander, Marv Fleming, Mike Lansford, Reggie Doss, Ivory Sully, Sam Cunningham, Leonard Russell, Frank Correl and Efren Herrera.

This Superbowl program is sponsored by Ace Hardware, the City of Riverside, Riverside Community Hospital, Premier Service Bank, Trilogy Financial Services, G/-M Business Interiors, Original Roadhouse Grill, PCN and Bud's Tire and Wheel.

People attending have two options for watching the game. The first is the traditional VIP party section inside the community center. The second is watching the game on the field from the tailgate section, complete with the BIG MO Jumbo screen.

To watch the game from the Meadow, bring $10, a lawn chair and a blanket, and kick back and picnic or treat yourself to the best tailgate food provided by Philly's Best, Roadhouse Grill, The Sweet Stops, El Super Taco, The Grove Hub or Ray's Grill. This year they have added jumpers and activities for the kids, so young ones can play while parents enjoy the game in a family-friendly environment.

If you prefer watching the Superbowl from the VIP section, admission costs $46 and includes all food. The game will be shown on huge projector screens, with comfy couches available. The VIP section is limited to 350 people and tickets are selling out fast, so register your spot online. Tickets at the door will be on a first-come, first-served basis. A no-host wine and beer garden will also be available.

Superbowl Sunday's festivities will be at the Orange Terrace Community Center and Park, at 20100 Orange Terrace Parkway in Riverside. Doors open at 2:30 p.m. Proceeds go to support Prevent Child Abuse Riverside County.

For more information please contact Tami Alexander, event chair, at talexander@pcariverside.org, or by calling 951-522-9653.

Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

You've probably never heard of Abbey Watson.

That's understandable. She's a rising star in power lifting, a sport that in our culture doesn't remotely compete with football, basketball or baseball for public attention.

Watson set a record for deadlift (176 lbs.) and for squats (143.3 lbs.) in her weight class (she tips the scales at 105 lbs.) within the Natural Athlete Strength Association (NASA) at the Natural Nationals powerlifting competition Jan. 21 and 22 in Oklahoma City.

The truly remarkable thing about Watson, though, isn't her strength, as astonishing as it is for her size. It's her age. Watson is 13.

The Colorado teenager began power lifting when her dad took her along for one of his own workouts when she was a sixth-grader. (To read more about Watson's accomplishments in her sport, click here.)

Reading about Watson reminded me of two other athletes who are extremely accomplished for their extreme youth: Laura Dekker and Jordan Romero.

Dekker's a 16-year-old from the Netherlands who several weeks ago set a new world record as the youngest person to sail around the world, solo. (She did it in a year and a day, six months faster than Jessica Watson, of Australia, who completed a circumnavigation in May 2010 a few days before her 17th birthday.) Read more details about Dekker's journey here.

Nitpickers will point out that Jessica Watson made no stops but Dekker's trek was an arguably easier port-to-port jaunt around the globe. Whatever. I'm happy my children know how to swim. This kid lived at sea for a year.

Romero, now 15, hails from our own backyard, Big Bear. In December he became the youngest person to climb the tallest mountains on all seven continents, after reaching the summit of Mt. Vinson Massif in Antarctica. To see The Press-Enterprise coverage of his climbs, click here.

The previous record was by George Atkinson, a British 16-year-old who accomplished this feat last May. Romero climbs with his father and stepmother.

Most news about youth and athleticism in the U.S. centers on the fact that American kids aren't athletes. Rather, too many of them are obese, fast-food-gobbling couch potatoes.

It's refreshing, astounding and inspiring to read a few articles about the kids fit, ambitious, disciplined and brave enough to not only take up a sport but become among the elite in their sport - earlier than anyone else.

These teens inspire several reactions, some of them conflicting:

How can I better instill motivation and self-discipline in my own child? Maybe I should start with the idea Abbey Watson's coach, Jonathan Sabar, expressed to Denver TV news station KUSA: "I think the reason Abbey is lifting weight that surpasses adults is because she's never been told she can't do it."

What other incredible feats will these young athletic superstars accomplish in their lives as they progress into adulthood?

What sacrifices did the parents of these teens make to give the kids the opportunity to set these records? Are these kids' parents successfully walking the fine line between encouraging their children to excel and pushing them too hard in the name of fame and glory?

How do these young athletes, and the adults in their lives, protect their safety? When my daughter turned 8 I finally got brave enough to let her walk alone to friends' homes, just a few blocks away. I don't know how a parent works up the courage to send their teen off to sea by herself. My kid just has to stroll for 10 minutes without a pedophile leaping at her from behind a bush. Dekker had to be prepared for typhoons and pirates. Her round-the-world trip triggered controversy in her homeland, with Dutch authorities trying to prevent the journey out of concerns for Dekker's safety. Then again, clearly this kid has talents and skills that most kids simply don't possess.

And should we worry that, especially in Abbey Watson's case, such extreme training at this age is likely to cause long-term injuries? On the other hand, these accomplishments could also be a testament to what excellent training, coaching, medical care and sheer hard work can produce. Bravo to that.

Whatever factors led to these teens' successes, the results are phenomenal, and they deserve congratulations and admiration. Because ultimately it was their own training, discipline, bravery, focus, physical fitness, clear thinking and sheer will that won them these records.

In my house, it's a good day when the kids turn off the TV the first time they're asked. Maybe I need to set the bar a wee bit higher.

Share your ideas on blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com, the Momarama page on Facebook, or by sending an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com.