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BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

Oh, my. Once again we're packing boxes and saying goodbyes.

After nine years in Southern California we're about to move to Nashville, Tenn. New jobs, new house, new routines. Our last move brought us here from Connecticut. Before that, Hubby and I lived in South Carolina and Maryland. And between college and the time I met him, I'd already moved three times. So the whole let's-uproot-and-begin-a-new-adventure thing isn't new to us, and the goodbyes don't feel quite so final in this era of texting and Facebook, thank goodness. But our children are already rattled.

Son, 13, remembers Connecticut, so at least he knows there's life after a move. But he's understandably unenthused about leaving friends and having to make new ones on the other side of the country. Daughter, barely 10, has no memory of anything other than this house, this neighborhood, this life. Some days she's excited, because she'll see her grandparents more often, and because her immediate fear (that we wouldn't bring the dog with us) was allayed. Other days she's teary, secretive and uncooperative. She's a high-maintenance kid anyway, so I'm not surprised. I chalk a lot of her recent moodiness up to the turmoil that's already struck as we pack, hold yard sales and prepare the house for renters.

Lori Collins Burgan says both my kids will need extra TLC in coming weeks. She should know. She wrote "Moving with Kids" after relocating five times in seven years (yikes!). Hubby and I are savvy about the physical aspects of moving, but this time we're also dealing with our kids' reactions, which wasn't a big challenge last time because they were so young.

We instinctively understand something Burgan emphasizes in her book: the kids need
reassurance that the basic facts of our life won't change - that we are family, we love each other and that we will try to re-create much of what's positive about life here in our life there.

A few of Burgan's tips:

Give kids notebooks for collecting friends' phone numbers, email addresses and farewell messages. Asking friends to add photos, poems, song lyrics, etc., gives children portable keepsakes they can pore over later if they're homesick.

Let kids pack their most precious possessions in a backpack that travels with them on the road trip or flight.

When loading the truck, be sure boxes containing the kids' bedding, pillows and favorite toys are among the first things unloaded in the new house. It gives them the comfort of familiar items when landing in an unfamiliar place.

If possible, let the kids visit their new school before they start attending. Getting familiar with the campus (where's the cafeteria? The bathrooms?) and, even better, meeting their future teacher, alleviates some first-day anxieties. Burgan and her husband even take off from work the first day their kids start in a new school, to devote more time and attention to the morning rush and their children's reactions at the end of the day.

Throw a going-away party. Burgan recommends this for giving everyone a chance to say goodbye (and collect those numbers and journal entries). I had my own brilliant idea when we left Connecticut: I invited my friends over the day before we left to divvy up all the food, cleaning and household supplies that were open and couldn't move with us (why toss shampoo or olive oil in a landfill)? When the moving truck arrived, I invited them back with their children, who were young enough to be completely enthralled by watching movers haul things into that enormous trailer. Burgan urges another party at your new place: "Don't wait for new friends to come to you." Invite neighbors and classmates over for a we'd-like-to-get-to-know-you party.

Perhaps most importantly, don't minimize kids' grief as they leave friends and relatives behind. "Encourage your kids to express how they're feeling, and never judge what they tell you," Burgan writes. "Saying things like 'Don't worry, you'll make new friends' or 'don't feel sad' would give them the message their feelings are unacceptable," she says.

How true. After all, I have mixed feelings about the move, too, and I had far more say about it than the kids did. Hubby and I decided to relocate believing that in the long run, it will benefit all of us - professionally, financially and for the sake of being closer to extended family. That doesn't mean that on our last day here I'll skip merrily off to the airport, singing songs of joy. More likely I'll be a shaky, tearful, wrung-out wreck clutching my best friend in a death hug and obsessing over second (and third, and fourth) thoughts. That's how I left Connecticut nine years ago. We were in California seven months before I felt at home. I'm sure Nashville will feel utterly foreign and lonely for a long time, too.

But as Burgan writes, and as I've told my kids, each time I've left a place, no matter how tearfully, I've landed somewhere with its own beauty, its own wonderful friends, its own perks (climate, cuisine, culture). The fact we've lived in many places has enriched my life as much as it's complicated it. My kids don't understand that yet, of course; they're focused mostly on whether our new neighborhood's pool has a slide. But I hope someday they'll look back on this move and remember not only sorrowful goodbyes but joys that, at this moment, still lie ahead.

Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com.

BY MITCHELL ROSEN
MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPIST

In California, a grandparent raises more than one in 10 children for at least six months; most provide care for three years or more.

There has been a 50 percent increase in our state where grandparents are the primary caregivers for young children. The two most cited reasons I hear in my family counseling practice are economics and drug abuse.

The financial reality is not difficult to understand. Young parents have children and through divorce, loss of job or illness become unable to financially support their kids. If they are fortunate enough to have a close family, the parent's parent may step in and offer help.

The second most common reason I see is drug abuse, usually methamphetamines. Riverside County, after all, is the speed capital of the United States. This insidious, easy-to-obtain and relatively inexpensive drug changes lives and often the lives altered belong to children under the age of 10.

Few would argue that drugs and kids don't mix. Any person who has been exposed to methamphetamines would add "and especially meth and raising kids is a toxic combination." Grandparents watch as their grown children have babies and yet don't stop the drug lifestyle or are so hopelessly habituated, efforts to stop or cut down don't last.

Those grandparents who raise their children's kids are the unsung heroes of our culture. Whatever assistance is given either by the child's parent or the state rarely covers the true cost of parenting. From clothes to school supplies, raising kids is an expense that never stabilizes. The main reason I hear why a man or woman who has already raised a family would do this again is, "These are my grandkids. What am I going to do, let them be with a parent who is either high or gone or both?"

Some cynics say the grandparents do it for the family assistance check but these people obviously have not raised children. When I ask the grandparent why they offer their homes and are willing to radically change their lifestyles, most take a deep breath and explain: "It's not what I had envisioned. I figured when my youngest was grown and gone I'd have time to do what I wanted. That's changed but it is what it is. Don't really think about it. Too busy taking the kids to school, doing homework and working."

Some of these caregivers may be motivated for the wrong reasons, but most have a value system, a family ethic that makes any other decision unthinkable. This Mother's Day we will celebrate the young moms, take them out to dinner or bring them breakfast in bed. And while these young mothers deserve more appreciation then is usually given, it is the caregiver grandparent I often think about on Mothers Day. These grandmas and grandpas don't get Hallmark cards or much social recognition but their willingness to be a safety net for the next generation is a trait that makes the world better for all of us.

Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com. Momarama shares readers' emailed comments with their permission.

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

The notion of family dinner's so idyllic. Parents and children gather together to savor a home-cooked meal, everyone shares the highlights of their day, there is laughter, there is love, there are warm fuzzies.

In my house things go more like this:

Me: "Son, how was your day?"
Son: (Detailed report of every inappropriate, gross conversation shared with fellow seventh-graders. Really unsuitable for mealtimes, and sometimes print.)
Hubby: "Daughter, how was your day?"
Daughter: "For my birthday I'd like a party, a cell phone, 10 DSI games, a day at the spa, a sleepover with 50 of my closest friends, new décor for my bedroom and a pony. Also, we only have one chocolate chip cookie left. I call dibs."
Me: "Honey, how was your day?"
Hubby: "OK." (This is the stock reply, given for our wedding, Sept. 11 and anything in between.)
Me: (Silence - though silence is hard for me.)
Me: (More silence.) (Nope, nobody ever asks about my day.)

So I volunteer the usual rundown of whether the dog was good or bad, whether everyone's finished their homework and would everyone please please please clean the kitchen after dinner before bolting for the bathtub, the TV and the couch.

Despite the total lack of profound warm fuzziness occurring at my kitchen table, we continue eating dinner together as a family. I insist on it, really. No wandering off to watch TV until the meal's over, no jumping up to answer the phone (seriously, people, that's what the answering machine is for), and no, my daughter may not eat a full meal at 5:30 p.m., because we hold dinner for Daddy, who often doesn't arrive home until an hour later.

Only three of the four of us eat breakfast, and it's done in two shifts. We're in four different places at lunchtime. Dinner's the only 20 minutes each day we're all in the same place and can truly focus on each other without distractions. Sometimes we're cranky, the food's often less than gourmet, sometimes we rush. But the shared dinner means we're more than mere housemates; we're family.

Oodles of studies have identified benefits, especially for children, found at the family meal.

The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University reported in September 2011 that 58 percent of American families eat dinner together at least five nights per week. That's higher than I expected, actually. We hear a lot of talk about how schedules, commutes and a generally hectic culture prevent families from supping together - real pressures on many families, but a sad erosion of the family bond.

The family dinner accomplishes a lot:

Kids eat more nutritious foods. This might be because there's table talk about eating your veggies but it's probably because eating at home involves home-cooked meals more than fast food.

The folks at CASA found that teens who eat frequent dinners with parents are less likely to smoke or abuse drugs or alcohol. Its 2011 study showed that, compared with teens dining with family five times per week, those who eat with their family fewer than three times were three times more likely to use cigarettes, 2.5 times more likely to smoke pot, twice as likely to use alcohol and nearly four times more likely to try other illegal drugs. Suddenly my kids' dessert-abuse problem doesn't seem so awful.

Family meals may be good for kids' mental as well as physical health. Some studies show that children who eat dinner with their families are less likely to suffer depression and eating disorders. The social aspect of a meal and the give-and-take with parents may counteract any isolation a down-in-the-dumps teen might be feeling, and the group meal at home discourages dysfunctional eating patterns. The daily contact over food also helps parents recognize symptoms of depression or eating disorders in their kids.

CASA further notes that dining together as family seems to boost kids' grades. Twenty percent of kids with family meals fewer than three times each week had grades of C or lower. In families who dine together, only 9 percent scored that low. The study theorized that taking part in conversation with adults bolsters the kids' language skills, especially vocabulary. (Though if you have a seventh-grader, the vocabulary might be, um, interesting.)

CASA's chairman, Joseph A. Califano, Jr., said the reason why family dinners have such positive effects is that they're a chance for parents to interact with children, and that "parental engagement in children's lives is key to raising healthy, drug-free kids. ... Seventeen years of surveying teens has taught us that the more often children have dinner with their families the less likely they are to smoke, drink or use drugs."

I'm happy to hear all this research. But I'm merely recreating what I recall from my own childhood. Those dinners weren't all sweetness and light, either. But decades later, when my extended family gets together, the best part is always dinner. The food's good, but the storytelling and gut-busting laughter is even better. Even when there's a pouty kid and the kitchen's a mess.

Pass the peace, please.

Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com. Momarama shares readers' emailed comments with their permission.

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

Ever wish you had more time with your kids, and that trying to squeeze school, sports and downtime into the day wasn't so difficult?

Some families, like the O'Neals of Moreno Valley, found a way to do that, or at least make the juggling a bit easier. Five kids in this family attend an online school rather than a traditional brick-and-mortar public school. Mom Brittay O'Neal says the decision was prompted mostly by the desire to fit extracurricular activities into their schedules, and also to give the parents more time with the kids.

The children attend Capistrano Connections Academy. It's chartered through the Capistrano Unified School District. It follows the standard K-12 California curriculum, including standardized tests, but the students interact with their teachers via computer, using video and audio. Brittay is their "learning coach," the adult at home who supervises and keeps things on track. Connections requires each family to have such a coach.

Brittay lives with her sister, Breecie O'Neal, and is a stay-at-home parent to Elijah, 9, who's in fourth grade. Brittay also teaches her nephews and niece: Ben, 13 and a seventh-grader; Liam, 11, in fifth grade; and Brielle, 9, in third grade; and Brittay's cousin, Kansas O'Dwyer, 10, a fourth-grader.

The arrangement is on part old-fashioned one-room schoolhouse, one part modern technology. The O'Neals are now in their seventh year with Connections.

Detailed lesson plans include reviews and tests. Connections provides an online "scheduler" to let families plan the hours they'll devote to schoolwork and arrange for days off. Each child has several "live lessons" per week, to participate in a teleconferenced class with their teacher via the computer monitor and headsets. Brittay figures the kids glean half their learning from their teachers and half from her. The teachers are very accessible by email, she said. Connections organizes frequent field trips and offers free tutoring for kids struggling with a particular subject.

The O'Neal kids typically attend school Monday through Friday, mostly from Brittay's kitchen table. If there's a scheduling conflict Brittay can work around it. The kids have learned not to goof off too much during lesson time, she said; they must finish the day's tasks, and if they dawdle their "school" time drags longer.

The flexibility lets the adults, who work long hours, "get one-on-one time with the kids," Brittay said, and frees up time for tons of activities - one kid's in roller hockey, one in ice hockey, one in dance. The boys are in Cub and Boy Scouts. Brittay's mother helps her coach sometimes, a big plus when one of the kids needs extra help. The older boys now help teach the younger children sometimes too, Brittay said.

"I get to see what they're leaning and I get to spend that time with them," Brittay said. "It's hard to separate being a parent and being their teacher. But I have lots of help. The kids are getting so much out of it, and their grades reflect it." They're all straight-A students, she said.

Not every family has someone willing and able to be the "coach" for the sake of a flexible schedule. That coach "has to be very organized," Brittay said. She relies heavily on the online scheduler, and prints each child's assignments, assessments and work projects the night before so there's no wasted time in the morning.

Early on, the major challenge was "trying to figure out a schedule that worked for us," she said. They learned to create short and long school days to accommodate everything. "And the parents have to be involved. We are the eyes of the teachers," she said.

Brianna Chavez, an academy spokeswoman, says Connections attracts families who have unusual schedules due to elite sports or heavy travel, for example, and those who want an alternative to both conventional public school and home-schooling. For more information, see ConnectionsAcademy.com

Do your kids get an education that's untraditional in some way? Why did you make that choice? Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com. Momarama shares readers' emailed comments with their permission.

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

Think you need better discipline and less chaos in your family? The Lifetime Channel is casting a future season of the reality TV show "America's Supernanny." It's seeking families in the Riverside area.

The show's recruiting posters say it all: "Are your children driving you nuts?" The children can be any age, from toddlerhood through their teen years.

The show sends "Supernanny" Deborah Tillman to families who need help solving a range of difficulties- "from disciplinary problems, separation anxiety and picky eating to poor bedtime routines, clinging on mom or dad, spoiled kids and attention deficit disorder," as the show's website proclaims - "to put families on the road to happiness."

Tillman's a wife, mother, author and teacher.

To nominate your family for the show, there's no cost. Call 1-877-NANNYTIME or visit its website, SuperNanny@shedmediaus.com

Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com. Momarama shares readers' emailed comments with their permission.

BY MITCHELL ROSEN
MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPIST

One of my all time favorite movies is "The Bad Seed," with Patty McCormick. The story of this film was the belief that bad or criminal behavior could be inherited. An 8-year-old girl, Rhoda, goes on a killing spree and the mother discovers her own biological father was a murderer.

Now I'm reading "Defending Jacob," an updated version of the same plot. Recently the University of Virginia released a study on behavioral genetics that studied the relationship between DNA and anti-social behavior. It's juicy stuff and also fodder for the nightmares of any parent with a child who is always getting into trouble for bullying or aggressive behaviors.

The jury's out on whether criminal behaviors can be passed on through genetics. Even the most ardent proponents mitigate their findings with disclaimers stating that how a child is raised and which behaviors are reinforced play an important part regardless of genetics -- the nature-vs.-nurture argument.

What we do know is there are millions of parents who look at their children, the ones who get into trouble, seem to delight in hurting others or appear to have no conscience and they wonder, "Is there something wrong with my child?"

As a counselor I've had dozens of these parents in my office and their pain is gut-wrenching: "We model loving behavior, always give consequences when our child misbehaves and yet they persist in tormenting animals, playing too rough with friends or display indifference when the choices they make hurts others."

Sometimes these kids are only 4 or 5 years old, too early to draw conclusions or hit the panic button -- but not too young to talk about empathy, focus on making amends or helping the child through role-play or counseling to understand how their behavior affects others.

A child who plays too rough, pulls the wings off flies, or laughs when others cry needs guidance. There may be something medically or psychologically wrong, but it is also possible the child needs firmer boundaries and closer scrutiny and the issue is not giving a diagnosis.

Children, especially boys, do go through phases when they have little understanding or interest in why neighbor kids won't play with them or pets seem afraid in their presence. As a therapist I would counsel parents to not be afraid to talk about what you see. Go to your pediatrician or get a referral for a child counselor so the worry can be put into perspective.

It won't stigmatize a child to talk to an educator or other professional who sees thousands of kids, and ask for some feedback. Speaking with other parents can also be helpful. Waiting too long, however, can be a mistake and the consequences are sometimes heartbreaking. No one is anxious to label a child, especially a young child. If as a parent you feel the professional is dismissive or too quick to diagnose, get another opinion. eing a parent is isolating enough without holding in fears, worries or trepidation.

Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com. Momarama shares readers' emailed comments with their permission.

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

My son takes really long showers.

He's been known to run the hot water for 20 minutes, and that's before his father or I bang on the bathroom door to tell him to wrap it up already - then it takes him another five minutes to actually shut off the water.

He's not usually that filthy. Nor does he always emerge as squeaky clean as one would expect from such a long soak. So presumably he's just enjoying the pounding massage from the nice steamy hot spray. I can't blame him, really, but what feels considerably less comfortable than a long hot shower is the high monthly water bill Hubby and I pay partly due to Son's shower habits.

We've been inconsistent about setting an alarm clock in the bathroom when Son marches off for his leisurely session, but when we've set one to ring after 10 minutes he's been pretty good about obeying it. Maybe we need to step up our game and start shrinking Son's shower time to nine, then maybe seven minutes. (Is five minutes pushing things too far?) Actor and ardent environmentalist Ed Begley Jr. has been quoted saying he turns the shower off while lathering up, only running it to rinse. That might be a hard sell in my house.

Besides the pain of the monthly water bill -- something to bear in mind now that the weather's heating up and water use tends to rise-- my kids' water habits are not doing the Southern California water supply any favors. Financial pleas to the kids don't help. But maybe pushing the environmental button would, especially in the wake of Earth Day this past weekend. Some kids are seriously into environmental causes.

Rob Starr, a strategic technology pro with The Toro Co.'s irrigation division, in Riverside, offers suggestions for instilling water-saving sense in kids. Toro supplies irrigation equipment to businesses and homes, and runs school programs teaching kids to conserve water. Children have control over many things inside the home that can either conserve or waste water. Here's where parents can coach their kids into better water habits:

In the bathroom: "How long does it take to take a shower?" Starr asked. "People can do it in two minutes, or people can do it in 20 minutes." The bathroom timer's a good idea, he said. I once read about a couple so serious about shrinking their water bill that they gave the kids five minutes to shower. After that, the parents shut off the main water supply. It only took a few soapy, shivery experiences to cure the kids of their ignore-the-timer strategy. Too drastic?

Running the tap water while brushing your teeth wastes water at the rate of 1.25 gallons of water per minute, Starr said. So train your kids to turn off the tap until it's time to spit and rinse.

Don't let kids use the toilet in place of a waste basket, Starr said. Some kids will blow their noses, then flush the tissue, a huge waste of water.

Doing laundry: Only run the washing machine with a full load of dirty clothes. A towel used once can be hung to dry then re-used several times. This is something Starr's preached in his own house, and the lesson applies to the dryer, too, to save electricity and/or gas. Starr said one child in his household likes running clothes in the dryer briefly in place of ironing, but this wastes power.

In the kitchen: As children learn to wash dishes, teach them to turn off the faucet while scrubbing so the tap's not running full blast for the duration. Also, if you drink tap water, there's a temptation for kids to run the kitchen tap until the water runs cold. Better to keep a large bottle of water chilled in the refrigerator for this purpose than to waste the tap water waiting for a cold drink, Starr said.

Outdoor play: "A lot of kids like to play in the sprinkler in summer," but not only does this use a lot of water, it can over-water and damage the lawn, Starr said. Better to fill a kiddie pool and let the children splash through it.

Saving water has more to do with moderation and awareness than with drastic restrictions, Starr said. "People freak out when told by agencies, 'you gotta cut back,' " especially when tiered water rates, with higher charges for water use over a certain amount, kick in. "But if they use it wisely, they wouldn't have to cut back" and could remain within the cheapest water tier, Starr said.

Have you taught your kids any water-saving behaviors? How? Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com. Momarama shares readers' emailed comments with their permission.

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

If you've ever considered an alternative to public school for your child's education, one option is an online school.

Capistrano Connections Academy is hosting a free information session for families tonight from 6:30 to 8 p.m. at Courtyard Riverside, 1510 University Ave., Riverside 92507.

Capistrano Connections Academy describes itself as a "tuition-free, fully accredited virtual public school," for kindergartners through 12th-graders. It's chartered through the Capistrano Unified School District and accepts students from Riverside, San Bernardino and three other counties.

"Capistrano Connections Academy combines the expertise and accountability of public education, the strong parental involvement of schooling at home and the flexibility of technology-enhanced learning," its press materials say. The school says it offers a nontraditional education that works well for students who are either far ahead or behind in school or who require a flexible schedule.

During the information session parents can meet a teacher and check out the curriculum. Children are welcome. Refreshments will be served. For more information, call 800-382-6010 or see www.ConnectionsAcademy.com.

Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com. Momarama shares readers' emailed comments with their permission.

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

Today is the 32nd Earth Day, a "holiday" born of the protest movement of the late 1960s when U.S. Sen. Gaylord Nelson, of Wisconsin, and U.S. Rep. Pete McCloskey, of California, organized a day of environmental demonstrations. Nelson felt compelled by the 1969 oil-drilling blowout and spill off the coast of Santa Barbara, Calif., an eerie precursor to the 2010 Deepwater Horizon disaster in the Gulf of Mexico.

Today's children might be oblivious to 20th-century politics, but by nature they are nature lovers. What kid doesn't love flowers, animals, rivers, oceans, forests, rocks, shells, and/or bugs?

If your child's the tree-hugger in your house, they probably already have an Earth Day to-do list for you. If you're the earthy-crunchy parent teaching your kids to care for Mother Earth, here are a few ways to encourage their love of nature and the environment:

For preschoolers, help them create a "Very Hairy Caterpillar" that demonstrates how seeds grow into grass. (Click here for detailed instructions.)

This Disney website suggests mixing potting soil and quick-growing grass seed, pouring it into an old knee-high hosiery sock, then placing hair elastics around the tube of seed-laden soil to create the caterpillar's sections. Soak in water, then place in a sunny spot. Soon the hosiery caterpillar will grow a thick green coat of grass. Watching this teaches young children the basics of plant biology: seeds plus soil plus water plus sun equals growth.

Grade-schoolers can also dabble in growing new plants. Try tin-can herb pots, explained in detail on Crafts.kaboose.com (For directions, click here .)

Basically this entails growing herb plants from their most tender starts into maturity in homemade pots, created from empty food cans. Parents may need to sand off any sharp edges around the open can rims, and punch holes in the bottom of the cans with a drill or hammer and nail. After that, kids can place gravel in the bottom of the cans, top it with potting soil and transplant young herb plants from nursery packs into the cans. Artsy types will enjoy decorating the cans.

"This project not only recycles, it creates new life," as CraftsKaboose points out. Plus, herbs are very hardy. After they're planted, kids can place them in a sunny spot, water occasionally and have the gratification of thriving plants that can handle a bit of neglect.

The blog CraftaholicsAnonymous.net offers instructions for making bottle-cap candles, a project that "upcycles" items that would normally land in the trash, including bottle caps and broken crayons. (Find the details by clicking here.)

Craftaholics Anonymous' "recipe" creates tiny, very cute candles by melting broken crayons in empty soup cans in a double boiler, then placing store-bought candle wicks into upside-down bottle caps before filling the caps with the melted wax. Tweens are capable of doing nearly this entire project without help from Mom or Dad (supervision or help is probably necessary when they're melting the crayons on the stovetop).

TipJunkie.com offers a long list of kid-friendly crafts and recipes tied to Earth Day, including a bird feeder, many of them appropriate for elementary- and middle-school-aged children. To view it, click here.

If your kids are teenagers who have outgrown cutesy crafts but not a save-the-planet mentality, consider letting them join Teens for Planet Earth, a social networking site for youth with a passion for environmental causes. (Click here to see its homepage.)

This network lets adolescents from around the world share information and ideas for environmental projects. It's also a forum for managing local projects (think community service credits); adults can join the site and serve as advisors. The site includes links to other green groups, such as Wildlife Conservation Society and Frogwatch USA sites. Members post comments and videos, establish and join groups dedicated to particular projects or causes, and the site is also a vehicle for gaining grants and awards for environmental efforts.

Are your children ardent environmentalists? Have you taught them to recycle, save water or turn off the lights when they leave a room? Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com. Momarama shares readers' emailed comments with their permission.

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

Momarama reader Victoria Woodside emailed after reading Sunday's column and blog post about tying children's allowance payouts to their completion of chores.

Woodside wrote:

"We have a chore program that has thus far worked in our house. Each of our four children have what we call their normal chore routine. These are daily chores, such as cleaning up toys, making the bed, emptying wastebaskets, etc. and are chosen based on age and ability.

"We don't pay them for this. We equate it to my doing laundry or mowing the lawn. Those are just chores everyone needs to do and no one gets paid for it, including mom and dad.

"But we also have voluntary pay chores. These are optional chores that no one is assigned, but they can do for cash. These chores range in difficulty and cash advantage, such as sweeping the front porch to washing the car. By having both types of chores, our kids are learning about working for money and working 'just because you have to.' "

"This has worked well for us, but since our eldest is only 11, we haven't reached the teen years. We'll see."

Do you link your kids' allowance to their chores? Does that work well? Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com. Momarama shares readers' emailed comments with their permission.

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

I knew this day would come eventually. But like so many other milestones with children, it snuck up so incredibly fast.

My oldest child just turned 13. I am the parent of a teenager.

Oh my.

My son is no longer a little kid, though he's definitely still more boy than adult. He's a gentle soul, eager to please and more than a little bit goofy. Son is young enough to need reminding about things like eating (meaning sometimes you have to turn off the computer long enough to fuel yourself) and brushing his teeth (meaning hasn't this become habit yet?), but old enough to be left home alone to babysit the dog. Or maybe the dog babysits the boy, but either way they enjoy some quiet time together that so far has not led to catastrophe. You couldn't expect that of a 6-year-old.

I see evidence of adolescence creeping in around the edges, though. For his birthday Son asked for a Minecraft account. I had no idea what that was. Sounded like a cross between a nuclear warhead and a Swiss bank fund. Son had to explain that Minecraft's an online game that lets players build all kinds of structures - so far he's created towers, castles, farms, whole villages - from virtual blocks, then defend them from destructive monsters. For a party, Son invited his friends to build rocket launchers from PVC pipe and shoot off paper rockets. He built the launchers himself and showed his friends how to make the rockets. I ordered a cake, sat back and watched. Orchestrating his own 13th birthday party is probably the most initiative Son has ever demonstrated, and I was impressed. (This is the kid who still doesn't grasp the concept of dental floss?) When Son isn't glued rapturously to the computer - Minecraft, YouTube "Star Wars" videos, it doesn't matter - he's absconding with my iPod. He's discovered the magic of music (good!), the ability to acquire practically any melody one desires via iTunes (good!) and the sheer fun of electronic gadgets (questionable), but not the discipline to save for his own iPod, because he still blows all his cash (bad!) on Legos. So lately when I retrieve my iPod I'm never sure what I'll find in its library. Much to my surprise, the last of Son's downloads was Ozzy Osbourne's "Crazy Train."

Definitely not a baby anymore.

Bracing myself for Son's puberty - barreling toward us like its own crazy train - I turned to Dr. Spock and his trusty childrearing bible. Thinking there must be a chapter in there summarizing the cognitive, emotional and behavioral changes we're likely to see soon in Son, I turned to the index, under "Adolescence." The sections listed there:

"Alcohol and other drugs; anticipatory guidance for parents (yes! - but wait, this section contains just two pages?); appetite increase; chores; clothing and hairdos; dating; defiance; diet; disobedience; drug abuse; emotional development; HIV and AIDS; identity problems; idealism; Mittelschmerz (now there's a quaint term - a true sign I've been parenting long enough to have a rather old edition of Dr. Spock); parents' divorce; parties and dating; pelvic inflammatory disease; physical changes; psychological changes; rebelliousness; risk-taking behaviors; rivalry with parents; school avoidance; separation from parents; sexuality; skin troubles; social changes; swearing; violence. See also 'Puberty.' "

After that list, why would I want to "see also 'Puberty?' "

Will my good-natured child morph into a Goth vandal? Will he binge drink and skip school? Will his hormones wreck his skin even as they finally goose his appetite enough that he'll consume more than 100 calories at a sitting? He's too distracted now by comic strips and "Hunger Games" - what a combination - to notice his shirt's on inside-out. What's going to happen when he discovers girls?

I put "Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care" back on the shelf, too intimidated to read further. I'll have to tackle "See also 'Puberty' " another day. Today I'm just enjoying this sweet spot we're in, this middle ground between childhood and adolescence, a time when Son is still shorter than I am, still initiates hugs, still has greater fascination for The Force than for females. By this time next week he might be riding the crazy train.

Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com. Momarama shares readers' emailed comments with their permission.

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

Filed your tax forms yet? (They're due tomorrow.) Having just wrapped up this annual chore, Hubby and I are extremely aware of our finances. So in recent days if one of our kids asked for money or a special purchase, they suffered the consequences of poor timing.

In theory, both kids should always have a bit of cash on hand. They're 13 and nearly 10 and get $5 in weekly allowance. Our new teen will probably get a raise soon, as the cash demands of adolescence hit. Strangely, despite frequent refrains of "I'm going to save my money for (fill-in-the-blank)..." they both spend money as fast as they get it, then claim poverty when they need cash for something, such as overdue fines at the library. I refuse to front them cash between allowance days, and on the rare occasions when they really must have money but don't, I lend it to them at 10 percent interest. I hope they'll eventually wise up and stash a bit of money away so they're never completely broke. It hasn't happened yet.

When Son and Daughter were 5 or 6 and first got allowance, Hubby and I debated whether to give this cash no-strings-attached or tie it to their chores - in other words, if they didn't take responsibility for certain tasks around the house, they wouldn't get the money. We decided that, while the chores are important, we wouldn't pay allowance for them. I believe the kids need to help out at home simply because they live here and are part of the family, and they shouldn't be paid for taking out the trash, making their beds or putting their clean laundry away (Lord knows I'm not).

Some days I wonder if that was the wrong policy. Chores naturally aren't their favorite activities, and they need reminders (threats?) as often as they remember on their own. If they knew they'd lose allowance for slacking, maybe chores would get done more promptly and consistently.

That's what Gregg Murset tells me. Murset is founder and CEO of My Job Chart, a free online tool that lets parents draft charts tracking their kids' household tasks and rewards. (To check it out, click here.) Murset's a financial planner with six kids, ages 5 to 14. He advocates making the connection in children's minds between work and money. I asked Murset how parents can best accomplish this.

Momarama: Should parents link children's allowance to household chores?

Murset: Getting something for doing nothing is a recipe for disaster when it comes to raising kids to learn about work and money. When you do something (household chores) you get something (money). When kids make this connection it's powerful and teaches them how to be responsible and work hard. The converse is true as well. No work, no money. They will understand this real fast!

Momarama: If tying allowance to household responsibilities is a good idea, what do you recommend parents do with very young children? Should, say, a 2-year-old be expected to do certain tasks and get a token allowance? Or does this system only work with older kids?

Murset: Start them early! Of course the chores need to be age-appropriate but kids need to be challenged and taught from a very early age to be responsible. As they grow older their responsibilities can change and the conversations around these concepts will change as well.

Momarama: How should parents handle it if a child decides the money's not worth the work? I'm thinking of rebellious teens or maybe unmotivated grade-schoolers who really, really don't like taking out the trash.) Should the parents be prepared to do these chores themselves?

Murset: It's all about incentivizing the child properly. Even a rebellious teenager who would rather watch his mom take out the trash then get off the couch can be incentivized properly. Maybe [the payoff] is time with friends, tickets to the movies or the all-important cell phone, but if they clearly understand that this street goes both ways, they will respond. Also, create some vision for them. Teach them about a college education in their future and how exciting it will be to attend college, learn more and fly on their own. That all takes money, so why not start saving now for those fun times ahead? Inspire them to help around the house and at the same time earn money for something important in their future! Teaching kids to save at an early age is huge -- really a lost art in our spend-spend-spend society.

Momarama: What is a reasonable amount for allowance and types of chores for kids of various ages? For example, a 6-, a 10-, a 13- and a 17-year-old?

Murset: Each family is different when it comes to amounts. Families must take into consideration their own budgets and what needs to be done around the house, then determine what works. If you are new to this whole chore thing you should start small. A shorter list of chores at the beginning and smaller dollar amounts will turn into a longer list and bigger dollars if done properly. It's also natural that as a child ages their needs and wants become more expensive.

Momarama: If a family does not link allowance to chores, is it appropriate to withhold allowance if a child fails to do the tasks they're responsible for? And are there other appropriate ways for a kid to earn some extra money around the house if they want to save faster than their allowance would accumulate?

Murset: There are definitely things that should be done around the house just because you live there. Don't compensate kids for picking up their own shoes or hanging up their backpack after school! But there are good ways to inspire them to want to do more, and that's by linking their performance to their compensation. Just doling out money for doing nothing is trouble. The entitlement mentality in kids is bad news. When adults go to work they have to perform to be paid. Why not start preparing children to understand that concept early on? The most natural and effective place to do that is in the home.

Do you tie allowance to household tasks? Share your ideas on blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com, the Momarama page on Facebook, or by sending an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com.

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

Momarama reader Mary Carricaburu gave me a tongue-lashing after reading the April 10 column, about encouraging children to eat nutritious foods. (To see the online blog version, click here.)

She felt my reluctance to let my kids eat junk food at a party was going too far.

Carricaburu wrote:

"I couldn't believe what you wrote in your April 10th article. You wouldn't let your children have hot dogs and mac-and-cheese at a party? Especially when all of the other children were having them? What a wonderful way to have your children promise themselves that when they get out from under your thumb they will eat whatever they want.

"Not only that, I think it is sort of cruel. What is wrong with a hot dog or mac-n-cheese once in a while? Will it kill them? Children desperately want to be like other kids. You sure helped make others feel sorry for them and by doing that you put so called 'healthy food' in a bad light. I think you need to lighten up.

"I raised my children on healthy food, did all of my own canning and freezing. I made everything from scratch, but if it was a party or picnic, I let them splurge. What a self-righteous, mean mommy you were at that picnic."

Carricaburu is right in that occasional junk food, especially during a special event or party, isn't going to hurt anyone. And apparently Tuesday's column implied that I forbade my kids from eating hot dogs and mac-n-cheese at a big event. Actually, on the occasion I was thinking of, I did let them go ahead and eat the not-so-nutritious "kid" food that was being dished up for other children at the same event, even though I would've preferred they eat the healthier fare that was being prepared for the adults -- and that they expected to eat before learning there was "kid food" in the works.

I've seen this happen with my kids before -- they accept the idea of eating whatever reasonably healthy food the adults will eat (because that's our routine at home), then getting sidetracked by nutrionally horrendous "kid-friendly" food that somebody prepares on the assumption that the kidds in the group will reject the grownup meal. On this particular occasion, the reason it irritated me was that the evening was part of an extended weeklong event when my kids had already downed plenty of junk food. I felt that an opportunity to get a nutritious meal into them for a change was sabotaged by the other adults who felt they had to feed empty-calorie items to the other kids in the group. But Carricaburu's right; freaking out and banning the junk food in the middle of a special event probably causes more problems than it solves.

When we talked about this via email, Carricaburu passed along a great tip she used to encourage her own kids, now adults, to eat vegetables:

"We always feed everyone, adults and children, the same food. I remember when my girls were teenagers and I would throw parties for them, I had an antique bread bowl that was a long, curved, wooden dish. I filled it with crushed ice and put cherry tomatoes, celery, carrot sticks, olives and other vegetables on the ice. That food would go like hotcakes. I was always filling it up. My oldest daughter has the bowl now and does the same for her teenager's parties."

What do you do to encourage healthy eating habits in your children? Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com. Momarama shares readers' emailed comments with their permission.

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

Pediatrician Dr. William Sears, who wrote "The Baby Book" and many more, urges training children to eat a nutritious diet, starting young.

Easier said than done. Toddlers are notoriously picky. But Sears, in talks and his 2009 book "N.D.D. - Nutrition Deficit Disorder," offers strategies for encouraging tykes to favor fruit over fries.

The preschool years are those of the "White Diet," when it seems children refuse to eat anything except mac-n-cheese and Cheerios. But too often parents cave to these preferences, sometimes fearing a kid will literally refuse to eat anything else, and more often because they don't want to deal with the whining and power struggles that can accompany efforts to coax anything green into their little tyrants' mouths.

I recall several occasions when my children were 6 or 7 when we were with a large group. My kids, one a voracious foodie, the other a super-picky food-phobe, were prepared to eat the same meal being served to the adults (chicken or fish, salad, some fruit and dessert) - that is, until they learned there were hot dogs and mac-n-cheese in the works for the other children. As soon as they got wind of the alternative menu, they refused to eat the healthier fare.

It's easier to pick up nuggets and be done with dinner without the coaxing, negotiation and possibly bribery involved in getting, say, fish and carrots into a 4-year-old. But as Sears says, if parents always cater to toddler whims, Junior will never learn to eat anything but the White Diet (which, followed regularly, makes them fat and sick). In the brief minutes when my kids lined up for grilled chicken and veggies before hearing about those hot dogs, I realized that they really had learned to accept healthy food - it's just that our culture tends to sabotage good eating habits by assuming that very young children simply can't develop any.

To instill decent eating habits while kids are young, Sears recommends:

Kid-friendly words. Call healthy tidbits "fun food" - broccoli "trees," carrot "sticks," orange "wheels." Label nutritious items "soccer food," or "tall food!" (I.e., you'll run faster at soccer if you eat turkey and broccoli instead of soda and fries.)

Play "Red Light, Green Light" with food: Green-light foods (fruit, vegetables, lean protein and whole grains) mean "go for it." Yellow-light fare (100 percent fruit juices, ice cream) require moderation. Red-light foods are no-nos due to their saturated fats, sugars, salt and artificial ingredients. Soda and hot dogs? Definitely red-light foods.

Sears urges parents to bring kids grocery shopping. Admittedly that sounds torturous. Sears suggests making the task faster by shopping only the perimeter of the store, not interior aisles where the more processed, junky foods are typically stocked. Tell Junior you're sticking to the produce section because "this is where the 'grow foods' are." Point out the soda aisle with a low, ominous voice: "That aisle we just don't go down." Why? "That's where the red-light foods are!"

Get a steady dose of fruit and veggies into a toddler with a "nibble tray" set up each morning. Sears says: Fill a compartmentalized dish or ice-cube tray with cut-up fruits and veggies. Leave the tray out and don't say anything about it. By day's end, the child will eat the contents. A variety of color and texture is good, and the point is solid nutrition, so don't use macaroni and fruit leather. Try: chopped cucumber, baby carrots, peas, cut-up grapes, melon, banana, kiwi, beans, chopped hard-boil eggs, and maybe hummus or yogurt as a dip.

How do you get your toddler to eat healthy fare? Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com. Momarama shares readers' emailed comments with their permission.

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

My cousin's son has a thing for numbers. At age 4, hearing a phone number, he'd add the digits together as a running sum.

My son was reading at 4 and remained many grade levels ahead of his chronological age in language arts for years. My daughter, 9, has little patience for books but taught herself to braid her hair and tie her shoes. (She taught older brother to tie his shoes, too, or tried anyway. I'm not sure he's nailed it yet.) After a bit of observation, Daughter also learned to bake, scramble eggs, make PB & J sandwiches and oatmeal. She'll never starve.

These kids are bright. But are they gifted?

Janet Szabos Robbins, of the Maryland Council for Gifted & Talented Inc., created a list of qualities that distinguish gifted kids from the merely smart. Among her criteria? She says, "A bright child knows the answers. A gifted child asks the questions." Smart kids enjoy same-age peers; gifted ones "prefer adults or older children." Bright kids are self-satisfied when they get the right answers. The gifted are very self-critical; they tend toward perfectionism. A bright child "is good at memorizing;" a gifted child "is good at guessing."

For Robbins' list, and an excellent, deeply nuanced explanation of giftedness, click here.)

I asked Kim Shotts, a language arts and social studies teacher and coordinator of the Gaining Excellence in Math and Science (GEMS) and Gifted and Talented Education (GATE) programs at Elsinore Middle School, in Lake Elsinore, to further explain "brightness" and "giftedness," and what they mean in terms of children's academic experiences.

Momarama: Is there a clinical difference between "smart" and "gifted" children? Do educators consider them distinct populations, or merely kids possessing varying degrees of "smartness?"

Shotts: There's so much confusion in education about this question. Can a gifted kid be terrible at school? Yes. Can a smart but not gifted student be great at school? Yes. So what's the determining factor if it isn't academic performance? It's the ability to process information that is the distinction, sometimes referred to as I.Q.

Giftedness comes in many forms. Although most people think of it in terms of academic achievement, giftedness can [manifest itself in] artistic, leadership or creative abilities. The California Department of Education's (CDE) GATE Program Resource Guide lists seven categories under which students can qualify as gifted or talented. Many times teachers and parents will recognize a student for being smart, but that's an informal assessment. Students can be smart and not necessarily gifted.

Momarama: How can parents tell if their child is gifted?

Shotts: It's often hard for parents to tell if their child is gifted until there is a point of comparison, usually when school begins. Kindergarten teachers will often mention to parents about the student being "smart." There are some great resources available on the web to help parents, specifically www.CAGifted.org and www.sengifted.org. Generally, if your child is displaying an ability that far surpasses age-level peers, he/she may be gifted. It can be something as basic as writing his/her own name at 30 months. It's important to note that many gifted youngsters can also be a little delayed in their social skills. They sometimes are more immature socially than age-level peers. This can also be a clue about giftedness.

Momarama: When schools consider giftedness, there seems to be a heavy reliance on academic skills, especially reading. Are children ever considered gifted without a stellar academic record, especially in language arts, but with talent in some area beyond the three Rs?

Shotts: The short answer is yes, but of course like most things in life, it is more complicated than that. In our district [Lake Elsinore Unified] and many others, standardized test scores are the starting point for determining if a student is gifted. The identification process goes on from there to include a standard intelligence test of some kind and teacher and parent input. For students who may in fact be gifted but do not test well, there is greater reliance on parents and teachers to make recommendations for GATE testing. Once referred by a parent or teacher, the student can then go through the qualification process like everyone else. It is more difficult to qualify with lower standardized test scores, but not impossible.

While all teachers take coursework dealing with gifted students, it may be important to note that there is a great deal of myth and misinformation in the minds of some educators who do not routinely work with gifted students. Parents should seek out the GATE coordinator at their child's school for ideas and suggestions. As with anything, though, there is no substitute for a well informed parent to advocate for his/her child.

Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com. Momarama shares readers' emailed comments with their permission.

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

Momarama reader Pauline White emailed after reading the recent post about organizing family photos that are in digital form. (To see that post, click here.) White recently tackled a similar project, and described her way of preserving precious family images:

"I spent about two years scanning and labeling old and new photos from the 1800s to 2011. They were from our family and we were nine children and many grandchildren.

"My mother passed away over three years ago, and I must thank my sister for being so persistent with our mother to mark the names and dates as close as she could remember before she died.

"I scanned over 2,000 photos and also black-and-white negatives. Then [I] transferred them to a DVD and made copies and mailed them to Canada and overseas."

White added that as she scanned prints, she saved them as JPEG files (with a .jpg suffix), and as she created that digital file for each image she labeled it with the names and dates of the people shown in the photo.

Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com. Momarama shares readers' emailed comments with their permission.

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

I forgot to defrost the chicken.

"Oh let the sun beat down upon my face, stars to fill my dream / I am a traveler of both time and space, to be where I have been."

This is no psychedelic rant. It's what goes through my head at 3:30 a.m.

I have no idea what to write for next week's column.

"All fired up, fired up, fired up!"

I fall asleep easily at night - so easily I barely remain conscious through dinner sometimes. But that devilish 3:30 a.m. hour arrives and it's time for the nocturnal to-do list, complete with whatever loud soundtrack my brain was subconsciously playing. Usually Led Zepplin or Pat Benatar. The downside of coming of age in the'80s: Classic rock to suffer insomnia by.

We're out of milk and laundry detergent but I can't get to Costco tomorrow. When is Daughter's mission project due?

Women are notoriously poor sleepers, mothers especially. It's extremely difficult to turn off the worries, random thoughts and problem solving when we turn off the lights. Add fluctuating hormones and we're middle-of-the-night messes.

How can we afford to replace our carpeting? Is Son getting enough iron?

An oft-quoted 2007 National Sleep Foundation poll showed that 67 percent of women experience frequent sleep difficulties and 29 percent use a sleep aid several times per week. A study in the journal "Pediatrics" from 2006 noted that before puberty, girls sleep as well as boys. Afterward, their likelihood of insomnia is 2.5 times that of boys the same age.

I haven't called Dad in two weeks. Is he OK?

Hormones wreak havoc on our sleep. First puberty, then pregnancy. The postpartum weeks, of course, involve a newborn waking every two hours. After staggering through childbearing, we arrive at midlife, when menopause brings hot flashes to zap our ZZZs - right around the time we're also stressed about teenagers, college tuition, aging parents, and/or whether there's enough gas in the tank to get to work in the morning. Literally and figuratively.

The Mayo Clinic suggests strategies for successful sleep: Keep a consistent schedule, even through weekends. "Don't go to bed either hungry or stuffed." Limit fluids in the p.m., to limit weeing in the wee hours. Beware caffeine and nicotine, especially late in the day. Don't rely on alcohol to get you to sleep. (I can attest to this. A glass of wine at 5 p.m. has me nearly comatose at 8 p.m., but ready to run a 10K at midnight.) Make sure your bedroom's comfortably dark, cool and quiet. Limit naps (as if!). Get regular exercise - though if evening workouts rev you up, do them in the morning instead. Manage stress. (Yeah, right. My best way to manage stress? Getting enough sleep!) Create a bedtime ritual; think warm bath, a book, dimmed lights. But not TV.

This doesn't address returning to sleep after 3:30 a.m., though, and that's the frustrating part. I have two foggy minutes to resettle before my brain goes into worry gear.

"Whataya want from me?" (Oh, I get Adam Lambert after watching "Idol" before bed. The Mayo Clinic was right about TV.)

It takes massive powers of concentration to brake racing thoughts. Counting backward from 100 - avoiding I have to schedule a dentist appointment between 90 and 89 - helps. My aunt says a rosary as balm for sleepless nights. Sometimes it's a matter of switching the mental playlist from Arena Rock to Easy Listening. James Taylor's "The Water is Wide" works.

If, that is, I can turn off all the other noise long enough to hear him.

What robs you of sleep? What soothes you back to dreamland? Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com. Momarama shares readers' emailed comments with their permission.

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

Think life in your household is a circus?

Katya Quiroga's life really is a circus - Circus Vargas, which tours the U.S. each year and this week performs in Temecula.

The circus conjures magical images: acrobatics, death-defying feats, amazingly trained exotic animals - not child-rearing, laundry and cooking.

But Quiroga, who with her husband, Nelson Quiroga, owns Circus Vargas, says her family life is pretty typical. They have daughters ages 14, 9 and 4. Quiroga goes to the bank and supermarket, cooks meals and supervises homework and chores.

"Being a parent is a challenge anywhere," Quiroga said. But, as one of the circus' songs says, "We're just like you. We just have an extra thing we do!" (In Quiroga's case, that's trapeze work. Think about THAT as you try blocking your kid's baseball from smashing a window or chase your loose dog down the street.)

Of the 15 kids in this circus' families, the oldest five perform. "All of them know school is their first priority," Quiroga said. Circus Vargas employs a preschool and an elementary/secondary teacher who travel with the show. School starts at 10 a.m. Saturday's a school day; one weekday is school-free. The Quirogas' evenings involve dinner at 6 p.m., the performance from 7:30 to 9:30, and a little down time with the kids afterward.

Constant travel doesn't mean instability. "It's actually easier than if you're someone who moves continually," for example, military families, Quiroga said. "Our house [an RV] comes with us!" The "school" is set up similarly from town to town, so home and classes are as constant and familiar as they would be for any other kid. "It's not that feeling of moving and packing all your stuff," Quiroga said.

Quiroga's happy, however, to have the modern conveniences of an RV during their 10 months of travel each year. A seventh-generation circus performer, she said, "When I grew up, there was no running water, showers, flush toilets. It was harder on the road." The Quirogas spend their non-performing time at their home in Las Vegas or visiting relatives in Europe.

Their oldest daughter performs in the "pre-show" as an acrobat. The 30-minute pre-show gives the public a close-up view of circus members doing their thing. Older circus kids are included, on a rotating basis, Quiroga said. For Quiroga's daughter, the pre-show's a privilege, something she's permitted so long as chores and homework are up to snuff.

Asked about the challenges of raising a family in the circus, Quiroga said parenting is probably easier in her world than ours: "We are with our kids all the time," and there's always extra child-care help. The kids get a big dose of varying geography and cultures. The hardest thing is "not to keep them enclosed in our own little circus environment," she said. They take field trips, such as children's museums or the San Diego Zoo. In Arizona, they visited Indian reservations.

The Quirogas put no pressure on their girls to pursue circus life forever.

"They all have to go to college," Quiroga said. Later, a circus career is fine but not mandatory. Good thing. Already, Quiroga added, her 9-year-old seems less interested in the trapeze than the violin.

Circus Vargas performs at Temecula's The Promenade (at 40820 Winchester Rd.) through April 9. From there it heads to San Bernardino from April 12 through 16; to Victorville April 19 through 23; and to the Ontario Mills mall April 26 through May 7. See www.circusvargas.com for tickets and more information.

Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com. Momarama shares readers' emailed comments with their permission.

BY DEBBIE YOCUM
MOMARAMA GUEST AUTHOR

The washing machine, dryer and dishwasher all broke at the same time. My SUV should be painted yellow with "TAXI" painted on the side because sometimes I feel more like a pick-up and delivery service than anything else. There is a tournament for some sport every weekend and practices of some sort every day. I have listened to my children read their science, history, California Indian and Egyptian reports to me three times each. I don't want to know about science or history. What I want to know is when will spring break start?

We are lucky to live so close to so many different environments. The beach, desert and mountains are only an hour's drive away. With the weather in Southern California you can go to body surfing at the beach on Monday, skiing in the mountains on Tuesday, take a trip on the Palm Springs aerial tramway on Wednesday, purchase a ticket for the Metrolink for lunch on Olvera Street on Thursday and enjoy the Ferris wheel on the pier in Santa Monica on Friday and still have the weekend to do a million other things. Another option is you can find one place you love and relax there for the entire week.

One of our favorite places to stay when we need to get away is the Paradise Point Resort in San Diego. From the minute that you drive down the beautiful entry, lined with tiki torches, you feel like you are in Hawaii. The resort is located on a 44-acre island filled with lush tropical gardens and meandering lagoons in Mission Bay. Sea World is a neighbor, an added convenience if that's on your agenda of things to do while visiting in San Diego. The resort is not your traditional hotel. Instead the accommodations are built as separate bungalows, some with living rooms and kitchens, others with single rooms built in a lagoon setting within the garden area of the island or, even better, scattered along the white sand beach.

Located within the resort is a state-of-the-art fitness center, full-service marina (great opportunity if you have your own boat or want to rent a boat, sailboat, kayaks, wakeboard or stand-up paddle board), five swimming pools (main, lagoon, adult lagoon, meadow or waterfall pools), various sports courts and recreational activities. You can bring your own bikes from home or you can rent them at the resort for a sunset bike ride along Mission Bay. If you want to pamper yourself after a day at the beach, there is a full-service spa located next to the main pool. Volleyball and tennis courts are also located on the island.

If you are in the mood for miniature golf there is an 18-hole putting course next to the island market (my kids love it). At night you can find one of the 15 bonfire pits on the beach and enjoy s'mores and hot chocolate while you appreciate the view of the lights across the Bay.

For meals, there are three restaurants on the island: Baleens (which requires a little more dressed-up attire than the other two), The Barefoot Bar and Grill (outside dining next to a tropical waterfall and a sea-life lagoon) or Tropics Bar and Grill (near the main pool). You can always order room service or pizza from a nearby restaurant and enjoy your meal in your bungalow while playing your favorite card or board game with your family.

Special activities are offered during spring break and summer, which include the on-site hotel children's camp, the Island Adventure Club, hosting activities such as arts and crafts, treasure hunts and guided nature walks through the lagoons and gardens. Paradise Point's "Dive-In" Movie Nights let guests watch some of their favorite films from the comfort of a poolside lounge or stretched out on a pool float.

Several of the bungalows allow small pets, but there's a fee and you must sign an agreement to follow certain rules.

Rates change during the year so to get the best deal, go online (www.paradisepoint.com) and sign up for email alerts. This year celebrates Paradise Points 50th anniversary so there are plenty of deals offered. Paradise Point is the closest thing to a vacation in Hawaii that we have found without the cost of the airfare. My kids just love it and the fact that you are in San Diego with all that it has to offer just makes the stay that much better.

Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com. Momarama shares readers' emailed comments with their permission.

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

Children are invited to a free Easter event at the Lake Elsinore Outlets on Saturday from 10 a.m. to noon.

It will include face painting, a balloon artist, Easter craft and of course an appearance with the Easter bunny. The outlet center tells parents to bring their own cameras for photos with the big bunny.

Find the fun in Suite 101 at the outlets, off Central Avenue or Nichols Road exits along I-15 in Lake Elsinore. For more information, call guest services at 951-245-0087.

Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com. Momarama shares readers' emailed comments with their permission.