Maura Ammenheuser: March 2012 Archives

BY DEBBIE YOCUM
MOMARAMA GUEST AUTHOR

The washing machine, dryer and dishwasher all broke at the same time. My SUV should be painted yellow with "TAXI" painted on the side because sometimes I feel more like a pick-up and delivery service than anything else. There is a tournament for some sport every weekend and practices of some sort every day. I have listened to my children read their science, history, California Indian and Egyptian reports to me three times each. I don't want to know about science or history. What I want to know is when will spring break start?

We are lucky to live so close to so many different environments. The beach, desert and mountains are only an hour's drive away. With the weather in Southern California you can go to body surfing at the beach on Monday, skiing in the mountains on Tuesday, take a trip on the Palm Springs aerial tramway on Wednesday, purchase a ticket for the Metrolink for lunch on Olvera Street on Thursday and enjoy the Ferris wheel on the pier in Santa Monica on Friday and still have the weekend to do a million other things. Another option is you can find one place you love and relax there for the entire week.

One of our favorite places to stay when we need to get away is the Paradise Point Resort in San Diego. From the minute that you drive down the beautiful entry, lined with tiki torches, you feel like you are in Hawaii. The resort is located on a 44-acre island filled with lush tropical gardens and meandering lagoons in Mission Bay. Sea World is a neighbor, an added convenience if that's on your agenda of things to do while visiting in San Diego. The resort is not your traditional hotel. Instead the accommodations are built as separate bungalows, some with living rooms and kitchens, others with single rooms built in a lagoon setting within the garden area of the island or, even better, scattered along the white sand beach.

Located within the resort is a state-of-the-art fitness center, full-service marina (great opportunity if you have your own boat or want to rent a boat, sailboat, kayaks, wakeboard or stand-up paddle board), five swimming pools (main, lagoon, adult lagoon, meadow or waterfall pools), various sports courts and recreational activities. You can bring your own bikes from home or you can rent them at the resort for a sunset bike ride along Mission Bay. If you want to pamper yourself after a day at the beach, there is a full-service spa located next to the main pool. Volleyball and tennis courts are also located on the island.

If you are in the mood for miniature golf there is an 18-hole putting course next to the island market (my kids love it). At night you can find one of the 15 bonfire pits on the beach and enjoy s'mores and hot chocolate while you appreciate the view of the lights across the Bay.

For meals, there are three restaurants on the island: Baleens (which requires a little more dressed-up attire than the other two), The Barefoot Bar and Grill (outside dining next to a tropical waterfall and a sea-life lagoon) or Tropics Bar and Grill (near the main pool). You can always order room service or pizza from a nearby restaurant and enjoy your meal in your bungalow while playing your favorite card or board game with your family.

Special activities are offered during spring break and summer, which include the on-site hotel children's camp, the Island Adventure Club, hosting activities such as arts and crafts, treasure hunts and guided nature walks through the lagoons and gardens. Paradise Point's "Dive-In" Movie Nights let guests watch some of their favorite films from the comfort of a poolside lounge or stretched out on a pool float.

Several of the bungalows allow small pets, but there's a fee and you must sign an agreement to follow certain rules.

Rates change during the year so to get the best deal, go online (www.paradisepoint.com) and sign up for email alerts. This year celebrates Paradise Points 50th anniversary so there are plenty of deals offered. Paradise Point is the closest thing to a vacation in Hawaii that we have found without the cost of the airfare. My kids just love it and the fact that you are in San Diego with all that it has to offer just makes the stay that much better.

Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com. Momarama shares readers' emailed comments with their permission.

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

Children are invited to a free Easter event at the Lake Elsinore Outlets on Saturday from 10 a.m. to noon.

It will include face painting, a balloon artist, Easter craft and of course an appearance with the Easter bunny. The outlet center tells parents to bring their own cameras for photos with the big bunny.

Find the fun in Suite 101 at the outlets, off Central Avenue or Nichols Road exits along I-15 in Lake Elsinore. For more information, call guest services at 951-245-0087.

Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com. Momarama shares readers' emailed comments with their permission.

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

Got kids who scream for ice cream? Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory, in the Lake Elsinore Outlets shopping center, has started selling hand-scooped ice cream. This Saturday it's offering a sweet deal: 99-cent scoops.

Pick your favorite flavor: chocolate, vanilla, strawberry cheesecake, moose tracks, cookies and cream, mint chocolate chip, birthday cake, and sugar-free caramel praline. Of course there are toppings, too: nuts, crushed Oreos, M&Ms, Reese's Pieces, chocolate chips, crushed graham cracker, chocolate sauce, whip cream and more.

The shop is in Suite 180, near children's clothing boutique Osh Kosh B'Gosh. To reach Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory, call 951- 245-2490. The Lake Elsinore Outlets are off I-15 at Nichols Road or Central Avenue exits in Lake Elsinore. For more information, see www.lakeelsinoreoutlet.com.

Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com. Momarama shares readers' emailed comments with their permission.

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

Momarama reader Erin Jaffarain, a Norco resident, saw Sunday's Momarama column about how parents can help their kids find the best sport for them. (To see that blog post, click here)

Jaffarain emailed to offer further advice for letting children explore their options for physical activity. Here's what she said:

"Great topic and one dear to my heart. Sports is less about a kid's personality type or body type, and more about each one's interest and developing a love for activity. Until we decide we want to be competitive, suitability for the sport is less important. The tall kid can do gymnastics, the short kid can love basketball. We're not asking them to prepare for a college team at this point. Here's how I've raised mine:

"Anything the child wants to try, give it a go, and truly support it. Whether it's soccer or volleyball, tennis or horses, there are inexpensive alternatives out there for a kid to try a sport. Keep it local -- a good fencing salle may be a long drive, but a local instructor who can show Junior the basics will probably have all the gear, so your investment stays small up front. Kids should learn to never be afraid to try new things, even if we aren't good at first.

"Once we pick a sport, we stick to it to the end of the season or lesson package. My daughter hated soccer -- my favorite team sport, and one I played through college -- and I was her coach. After the first game, she came to me and said she didn't want to play any more. But we made a commitment: she to play, me to coach. Perseverance is a key trait that every child (and parent) needs to develop.

"Keep it fun. The point is to develop a love of activity, so that 30 years from now Junior is not facing a doctor's visit for weight-related health issues. So keep the pressure low. Enjoy your own child's development and improvement without requiring that he scores the goal or wins the match. Every improvement is a win and should be celebrated. Swimming and running are good sports for that, because everyone has their own 'personal best' time to beat each week. But every sport has a skill set, and each time a skill is improved, that's a win.

"Keeping it fun also means allowing the child to say when he's done. My son has flipped through three sports, and it was difficult for me when he made those transitions. I was sorry to say good bye to our tennis coach, who saw potential in my son and brought out the best in him. But the kid had made a choice to switch to a different sport, and I honored that. Even if I had crazy huge dreams of what my son could accomplish, I can't make him miserable to fulfill my dream. What fun is there in that?

"Cost was the last topic you covered, and my favorite place to find inexpensive sports to try are through the city parks and recreation departments. Readers should check the websites of all the towns close to home -- each one has different offerings. It's a good way to get exposure to a sport you might not have heard about before.

"Have fun with soccer! Remember that beach umbrella [for hot summer days]. Maybe two. The kids will be under it at half time."

Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com. Momarama shares readers' emailed comments with their permission.

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

"Real Simple's" April issue contains a report on a survey it commissioned about women and "free time."

The results aren't all what you'd expect. Yes, the survey confirmed that most of us feel time-pressured; half the women surveyed said they don't have enough free time. (Fifty-two percent reported less than 90 minutes daily; 29 percent said less than 45 minutes.) I found it more surprising that half of American women say they do have enough free time.

Here's the catch: The survey defined "free time" as "time that you spend on yourself, where you can choose to do things you enjoy." Then the article described everything women do with "free time." Guess what? Many "free" hours are devoted to chores - cleaning, cooking, running errands, laundry, helping children with homework, balancing the checkbook, etc.

Many of these need to be done daily, maybe weekly. I say, if it has to get done, especially on a schedule, it's a responsibility, not something that's a leisure choice. I take issue with Real Simple's fundamental premise that women are spending chunks of their "free time" on chores. If you more accurately label this as "chore time," suddenly the amount of "free time" shrinks - and you'd see far less than half of those women saying they have enough of it. Personally, I don't view time spent grocery shopping, cooking and supervising my kids's cleanup efforts as my "free time." Free time is when I finally flop on the couch with a glass of wine and a novel.

The survey notes that women are unhappy with the responsibilities and interruptions encroaching on their "free time." No kidding. Given the choice between mopping the kitchen floor and seeing a chick flick, a mom will prefer the movie. But she'll mop the floor instead, because (all together now) it has to get done.

Surprisingly - happily - the survey showed more than two-thirds of women reported that work - paid work - doesn't interfere with their personal lives. The magazine credited this primarily to the increasing prevalence of flexible work schedules. It's not the boss gobbling women's precious free time. Rather, it's those pesky chores - and our children, who of course demand a wee bit of attention. Here's another surprise: Though we often hear that working women, especially, pine for more time with their children, Real Simple reports that modern moms spend more time with their kids than our mothers did - on average, as of 2010, we're with them 14 hours per week, versus 10 hours weekly in 1965, and this despite the huge increase in women in the workforce. (Ask any mother with children under 5 years old, though, or any mom whose kids are off school for a holiday break, and they'll tell you those 14 hours can feel like 140.)

I wish Real Simple had probed this point further. Of those 14 with-kids hours, how much is spent on homework, errands, and shuttling to activities, versus true quality time? Am I alone in feeling like too much of my time with my children centers on, well, responsibilities, and too little in pure fun? When I fantasize about having unlimited hours in the day, my wish is for board games, a splash in the pool, a walk on the beach, idly picking notes on the piano or guitar, baking cookies, reading books, etc., all day. I don't need more time nagging about laundry.

Here's another intriguing point in the survey, and this doesn't speak well about us, ladies. Clearly we're frustrated that chores punctuate our "free time," but we don't delegate. OK, 39 percent of women said they assign chores to the kids. But that leaves 61 percent who don't! Furthermore, more than 60 percent of these women said their spouses have similar or higher standards for household chores, but only 26 percent frequently ask hubby to take on chores. Almost half said they wouldn't hire housekeeping help and 69 percent said they wouldn't hire more child care even if they could afford it. (What?!? My other fantasy is affording a housecleaning service even just once a month!)

Why don't we delegate? Real Simple argues it's because, first, our culture places the burden of housekeeping and childcare on women, and even when women work and are married to perfectly capable, neat-freak, baby-loving guys, we feel guilty if domestic tasks go undone, or inadequately done. (Sixty-four percent of women in the survey sometimes felt if they "did less around the house, they would feel ... they weren't taking care of it properly.") And second, we don't like the way our spouses do these tasks. (Fess up. Who else rearranges stuff in the dishwasher, 'cause your man doesn't load it right?) Real Simple says to let go of our control hang-up to find more free time and happiness.

Finally, the magazine interviewed busy women about how they find more true free time. Top strategy? Scheduling it, of course. Reserving a few hours to truly relax and have fun - no after-the-chores-are-done mentality allowed - ensures they get free time, and it actually recharges them.

Good advice. I'll follow it myself. Right after I rearrange the dirty dishes.

Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com. Momarama shares readers' emailed comments with their permission.

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

Last spring, my son surprised me by asking to join a soccer league. This was unexpected because he's not particularly athletic, his requests are usually for things like computer-animation software, and he's never been too fond of the heat. (The families we know with kids in soccer seem to spend their summers broiling on a field somewhere.) In addition, at the time, Son had only recently, tentatively, become interested in running to any degree. Did he understand soccer involved repeated sprints?

This got me pondering how children eventually settle into a favorite sport. Many bounce from activity to activity, going through uniforms, equipment, schedules, etc., before deciding whether Little League or swim team is their true love. Is there a way for parents to guide their children into an activity that's a great match for the kid's strengths and weaknesses? I asked Len Saunders, a childhood obesity speaker and author of "Keeping Kids Fit," to explore this.

Momarama: How can parents match their child's temperament to a sport - for example, are there activities well suited for extroverted versus introverted children?

Saunders: This is an interesting question, as you may think a child who is an extrovert may need to only be on team sports since they are very social. But, the child who is the introvert may also need to be on a sport with other children. Sports is a great way for children to socialize and can be a very positive experience for the introverted child. So basically, I believe any sport can be good for any type of child, especially when placed in the right environment with great teammates and coaches.

Momarama: Can you suggest how to match a child's physical strengths and weaknesses (power versus speed, for example) to a sport? Won't this encourage a kid's love of the activity in the long term?

Saunders: Once again ... any sport can benefit any child. To say one sport will benefit a child because he is overweight, therefore he must participate in a sport that requires no speed, would go against parental logic to me. When kids pick a sport, it will most likely be based on their interest, degree of success, whether they find it fun and easy to socialize in, and whether it's age- and skill-appropriate.

The main thing to remember: Most kids are not Olympic athletes. So if they benefit in sports by improved fitness levels, cognitive skills, social skills or confidence, the child and parents both win.

Momarama: How much involvement do various team sports require of the parents, in terms of voluntary coaching, game/practice schedule, concession-stand duty, etc? Should parents new to children's sports be aware of certain activities' time commitment from the parents?

Saunders: All sports require a commitment from the parent in some form. And yes, specific levels of sport will consume more time. Travel basketball will have more games than rec ball, take more time traveling and cost more. Parental involvement also varies as some will coach, be the taxi driver, assist with practices or nothing at all. It is all what you make of it.

Momarama: In this economy, what about financial concerns? Which sports tend to be inexpensive and which run to the pricey side?

Saunders: Sport teams in may cases are seasonal and less expensive. But some parents may take it to another level. For example, although Little League may only be a couple of months, a parent may enroll their child in 'fall ball' or sign them up for clinics or individualized instruction. So again, it is what you make of it. Sports as hobbies can be pricey, as they are year-long. If a child participates in karate, this goes all year, with monthly payments.

What sports do your children play, and why? Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com. Momarama shares readers' emailed comments with their permission.

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

Sunday's column and blog post about kids and soda -- and how parents can get the soda out of their diets -- prompted a note from Dr. Ernie Medina, Jr., a preventive care specialist with Beaver Medical Group in Redlands. (You can read the initial post here.)

Sunday's post contained a tip from wellness coach Rachael Pontillo, suggesting adding selter to water or juice as a substitute for soda, if kids need a "transitional" drink.

Medina took issue with something, saying the seltzer contains carbonic acid, so it does have acidity, which is one of the problems with soda.

Asked about Medina's concerns, Pontillo responded: "I did find out some information about this. It turns out [Medina] was correct. The carbonation process does produce carbonic acid, which does lower the pH of the water to varying levels depending on the amount of carbon dioxide added."

So be aware that seltzer isn't a completely wholesome alternative to soda -- but it's still a handy way to add fizz to plain water if that will help you and your kids transition from cola to water, milk or other beverages that lack the sugar, caffeine and artificial ingredients that make soda such a nightmarish nutritional choice.

Have you weaned your children off soda? How did you do it? Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com. Momarama shares readers' emailed comments with their permission.

I did find out some information about this. It turns out the guy was correct...the carbonation process does produce carbonic acid which does lower the pH of the water to varying levels depending on the amount of CO2 added.

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

My daughter has difficulty with truth.

Daughter says she's finished her chores, when she hasn't even started. She's struggled at school this year, often misplacing work. She'll tell me she turned everything in, but tell her teacher something's missing because it's at home. Candy disappears, she'll deny eating it, I'll find the wrappers in her laundry. Daughter also fibs, apparently reflexively, about acts as I witness them:

Me: "Please put your dirty plate in the dishwasher."
Daughter: "I did."
Me: "No, I saw you put it in the sink and walk away."
Daughter (immediately shrill): "I'm DOING it!"

Young children fib frequently, not always to get away with something but because their brains can't quite distinguish between fantasy and reality.

But we thought that by Daughter's tween years (she's now 9) her otherwise razor-sharp mind would appreciate the difference between truth and deceit. Hubby and I have held gentle conversations with her about how lying makes a bad situation worse; and how we're more upset by dishonesty than by the initial misdeed; and the lie will earn harsher punishment than the transgression - and we've punished Daughter's lies for years. Yet nothing's helped.

Child development pros offer some insights into childhood lying:

San Diego pediatrician Dr. Bill Sears; his wife, pediatric nurse, Martha Sears; and son, Dr. Bob Sears, run www.AskDrSears.com, proffering tips on many parenting challenges. They explain that, indeed, preschoolers often fib out of "wishfulness" or to avoid punishment (they might blame an imaginary friend for a spill).

The Searses deal with this by playing along, to a point. To a child blaming imaginary "Toby," they say: " 'Tell me exactly how Toby broke the glass.' As your child gropes for details to get himself off the hook, he will quickly reveal his part in the incident. In the meantime, ask yourself why he wanted you to think he 'didn't do it.' Do you tend to react to accidents or experiments too harshly?"

The site recommends telling your child that you understand it's easier to pretend Toby broke the glass, but now "tell me what really happened. I won't get angry." A child needs to know you'll love him no matter what he tells you, so honesty is a safe choice, the Searses say.

Children sometimes lie to please parents. The Searses' example rings familiar: "Mother will ask her 5-year-old, 'Did you pick up your puzzles?' " Son says "yes," Mom is happy. "Later when mother finds puzzles still spread all over, she'll need to let her child know that the lie is more displeasing than the disorder." A school-aged child will lie in this situation because he's not in the mood to clean up. "Eventually, he'll realize mom is going to check. He needs to discover that his tactics won't work."

Lying can stem from fear of punishment, especially in kids punished physically or those "given major punishments for minor offenses," the Searses say, recommending that punishment for lying be harsher than punishment for the misdeed. We've doled out occasional spankings to Daughter, but her usual punishments for fibbing are grounding or a loss of a privilege. Somehow it hasn't mattered.

"At some point normal childhood storytelling evolves into purposeful lying, which may become habitual," Sears said. (Uh-oh.) "The child intends to deceive. Many of his social interactions revolve around falsehood rather than truth. The root cause is an angry child who is dissatisfied with his real life and afraid of his parents' reactions."

Time for some introspection on our parenting tactics, and whether something's making Daughter chronically unhappy? That sounds like flaky New Age too-soft parenting on the one hand - but on the other, would a well adjusted, content 9-year-old habitually lie? Constant fibbing is more likely a sign of an ongoing problem. But I don't know what that problem is. And with each new lie my daughter tells, I feel more frustrated, more like a failure, and frankly a little panicky. If she's a habitual liar in fourth grade, what nightmarish situations will we face when she hits the notoriously sneaky-fibby teen years?

Child behavioral therapist James Lehman, on EmpoweringParents.com, draws a distinction between holding kids accountable for dishonesty and blaming them for it.

"When you look at your kid like he's a sneak and an operator who's undermining your authority, it's a slippery slope that starts with 'you lie' and ends up at 'you're a bad person,' "Lehman said. " ... That perception of your kid promotes more lying" to hide misbehavior, because the child thinks you already consider him bad. (Maybe this is the dynamic we've unknowingly created with Daughter?)

Lehman also says kids know when something's forbidden, but don't grasp why, leading to lies.

"When they don't see it as hurtful, there are two different value systems operating: the family's value system that says 'this is forbidden' and the kid's value system that says 'if it's not hurting anybody, what do you care?' " This might explain Daughter's thoughts as she sneaks candy and lies about it - she doesn't believe it will rot her teeth or undermine her nutrition.

Lehman says to avoid emotional discussions about how lying upsets the parents; focus instead on the violation of a family rule.

"[Your child] didn't tell the truth, whether the truth was distorted, omitted or withheld. ... The first time you lie, you go to bed an hour early. The second time, you lose your phone. It should be something that the kid feels - you lose your phone for 24 hours, you lose your phone for two days. You lose computer time or TV time. ... The consequences have to make the child uncomfortable or they don't change anything."

Punish the lying, Lehman continues. Any separate consequence for the offense should be handed down later, when you're calm. Then ask, "What were you trying to accomplish" by lying? And point out it wasn't the way to solve a problem.

Have you fixed any childhood fibbing? Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com. Momarama shares readers' emailed comments with their permission.

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

Dr. Ernie Medina, Jr., a preventive care specialist with Beaver Medical Group in Redlands, responded to Sunday's column and blog post (read the blog article, here) about strategies for weaning children off soda.

He pointed out something not-quite-right with one piece of advice:

"Great article about the why and how to get kids off soda.

"Like most, I recommend good 'ole H20, but for those making the transition, another alternative I recommend is Zevia, a soda that is sweetened with stevia. This is great for those wanting to avoid the 'pink and blue' sugar substitutes.

"One slight correction on what [wellness coach Rachael Pontillo] said. She said drinking seltzer water was better because it wasn't 'acidic,' but then in the next sentence, she talks about how it's carbonated -- and what's used for that? Carbonic acid. So yes, seltzer water is acidic, just without all the sugar and/or chemicals."

Pontillo said she used seltzer water as a transitional drink when she was kicking her own soda habit, because adding seltzer to regular water gave it the fizziness she craved in soda.

Have you kicked a cola/soda habit? Do your kids clamor for it? Have you found ways to minimize your children's soda consumption? Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com. Momarama shares readers' emailed comments with their permission.

BY MITCHELL ROSEN
MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPIST

I'm trying to decide if having computers and cell phones has increased or decreased the quality of my life.

When I first started out as a therapist I carried a beeper. This small black box would buzz me if a client or the hospital where I worked needed to reach me. Most of us called it an electronic leash but understood it went with the territory. The times it was most frustrating occurred when it went off at the beach and since there were no cell phones in the 1970s, I would have to hike up from Woods Cove in Laguna and find a pay phone. When cell phones replaced pay phones that part of my life became much easier.

I always wrote a great deal and my weekly newspaper column was banged out on an old- fashioned IBM typewriter. If I made an error, I had to put in a white-out strip and retype the mistake. Writing a 30-inch column took forever.

My first computer was a black-and-white 9-inch Apple and I thought it was a writer's dream come true. Every mistake could be remedied instantly and white-out was a nightmare of the past. Any person who writes will tell you they love the word processor program on their computer.

Fast-forward to 20 years later and I always have my cell and computer with me. Even on days off I am tethered to the screens. I know I can't pick and choose with progress but I would really like to keep my 9-inch Apple and forgo the cell phone. Being instantly available to everyone has not improved the quality of my life.

My friends and family know I carry the cell. If I don't answer I'm not just unavailable, I'm being rude. If I push "go into voicemail" - same thing, I'm not courteous. I really don't want to be tracked electronically everywhere I go or be distracted with a beep if I'm talking to a friend.

Few things are that time urgent I must stop what I'm doing, pull out the phone, look at the call or text and decide who I'm going to be rude to: the person I'm with, or the person who's calling. I understand technology works for us, not the other way around, but like the Stephen King book "Christine," in which machines have a mind of their own and take over, I feel trapped by my cell phone.

I'm actually a very social person but would like the choice to decide if I am available or not. In 2012 most of us assume everyone has a cell and they will get any call instantly. Failure to return the call then is seen as non-responsive. Wow! The old days of taking a day to think about what I want to say and then return the call are outdated. It may work to say on the voice mail "I will return your call within 24 hours," but with family and friends, taking a moment to ponder seems to be eroding.

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

American children are too fizzy.

UCLA released a study in 2009 revealing that 40 percent of 2- to 11-year-olds and 62 percent of those 12 to 17 years old drink at least one soda or sugary drink every day. As a food-police parent, I find the idea of teenagers regularly downing soda unpalatable - and the idea of a 2-year-old ingesting its sugar, caffeine and chemical crap downright horrifying.

Healthychild.com, a site aimed at reducing children's toxin exposure, shares a list of reasons why soda is terrible for kids. (Read that list, here.)

Among them? Soda contains calories but no nutrients, which contributes to obesity. The ingredient phosphorous can leach calcium from bones, a particular concern for teen girls. Sugar and acidic ingredients cause tooth decay. Caffeine can interfere with the neurochemistry of children's brains. Diet soda isn't a healthy alternative, either. Recent studies found that the artificial sweeteners it contains can also be addictive and/or undermine the body's sugar-regulating hormones. Meanwhile, there's absolutely no benefit to drinking soda, other than satisfying a craving for it.

But how to get your kids off soda, or at least minimize their consumption?

The best tactic is keeping soda out of your house. If it's not in the kitchen, they can't drink it at home. If they whine that they want some, tell them you "ran out," then don't stock up again.

Of course, this means giving up your own at-home soda habit, which isn't easy. Sugar and caffeine are addictive; there's a reason you feel headachy, lethargic and cranky as you withdraw from them. Your kids will probably feel those symptoms, too. But cravings subside after several days. Frankly this is an example of role-modeling self-discipline for your kids.

My husband quit his Pepsi habit several years ago, so now we rarely have soda in the house. (I quit all soda before we married because the caffeine didn't agree with me.) Hubby switched to drinking sweet tea - not ideal either, because his brand is sweetened with corn syrup, but at least he's taking in less caffeine, sugar and chemical ingredients than he did with the Pepsi. The kids are allowed small portions of his iced tea a few times a week (which I'm not wild about, either) and that's the limit on our at-home sugar drinks.

Wellness coach Rachael Pontillo confessed that she had to quit a soda habit. She wrote on her blog, Holistically Haute (to view it, click here): "I went back to drinking the 'soda' that my mom did keep in the house: seltzer water (carbonated water). It is water, so it is hydrating rather than dehydrating and acidic, and it has the fizz factor that I loved about soda." Pontillo suggests adding a bit of fruit juice or lemon wedges.

"Seltzer water is not the perfect solution, since the carbonation can also cause certain issues like gas and has also been linked to bone loss, although there is not yet conclusive evidence of loss," Pontillo wrote. "But I think it is an excellent transitional beverage to help get people off of soda."

If going cold turkey on soda in your house sounds too intimidating, another option is slowly cutting back. Push milk, juice, water or sparkling water in its place.

If your kids usually drink two sodas per day, limit them to one. Pour it into glasses rather than letting them drink the whole can. Over a few days, gradually reduce the amount of soda going into their glasses (fill up with ice). Then switch to smaller glasses. When they're down to a single small portion (4 oz.?) per day, it's time to "run out" of soda and not buy anymore.

This cutting-back method will probably only work if you're around to supervise them or if they're too young to get the soda from the fridge on their own.

Clearing the house of soda won't keep it out of your kids' hands when they're out in the soda-sodden world, of course. That's when their habits will guide them. If they lust for soda, they'll drink it every chance they get (at fast-food joints, birthday parties, sporting events, etc.). If it's not part of their daily habit, they won't expect it so much, they're more likely to choose water or juice, or maybe just drink less soda than the next kid, because they find it so filling. And if they go overboard on soda occasionally, at least they're not swigging it regularly at home.

We've never completely banned soda from our children's lives, because we can't enforce a zero-tolerance policy when they're at a party or other events. When we eat fast food, which isn't often, the kids do demand sugary drinks. Though Daughter has discovered Dr Pepper - a problem, because she seems particularly sensitive to the caffeine - both kids are usually content drinking Sprite or 7up, which at least lack caffeine, or sometimes a lemonade. At home they get water or milk. Whenever a fast-food restaurant has chocolate milk I try steering them in that direction. It's high in sugar but also in calcium and protein.

Kids will understandably gravitate toward soda's sweet fizziness. How do you ensure that the only thing bubbly about your child is her personality?

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BY MITCHELL ROSEN
MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPIST

Recently I had one those awful colds where the head aches, my body is tired and keeping two thoughts together is a Herculean task. I spent the weekend in bed, moaning and not doing anything except watching TV.

I noticed that after about four or five hours of watching television, my attitude changed and my demeanor became grumpy. I yelled at the screen for having such poor choices and generally became unpleasant. When I asked my wife to call in a priest for last rites she reminded me I was not Catholic and reiterated the cliché, "If men had to go through childbirth, there would be no children."

As a child during summer vacation, my parents had no real restrictions on how much TV I could watch. What usually happened was after about four hours, I would start to complain about everything and my mother would throw me out of the house, "until the sun goes down." To me this was cruel and unusual punishment, but looking back, she was right. It is not healthy for the developing mind of a child (or adult) to sit passively in front of a screen for hours on end and watch what others have created. The mind turns to pudding and with it attitudes sours.

A common question I used to be asked as a family counselor was, "How many hours of TV is healthy for my child?" Now the questioned has evolved to, "How many hours of TV, internet, Facebook, video games and texting is healthy for my child in a day?"

I may sound like the scrooge who stole "Call of Duty," but my personal opinion is two hours a day for a developing child is plenty. There is a difference between channel surfing and choosing to watch a specific show. Cruising what's on TV, especially in the age of cable when there are 500 choices, is not going to make most creative human beings better, more enlightened. The opposite is true. There is research that states passively sitting in front of a video game screen slows the development of critical thinking.

I know every child is different and one size does not fit all. That said, allowing a youngster unbridled access to screen time and letting them take dinner in front of the screen is not a great idea. Personally I am a big fan of the Internet and for a student to spend five or hours online doing a homework assignment is commonplace and often required to excel in school. That's not what I'm talking about.

The issue I am trying to address is mindless, unfocused screen time. There is a big difference between programming one's own software versus watching the work of others. Being a passive recipient in front of the screen has become common but I'm at loss to see how it is beneficial.

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BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

The Lake Elsinore Oulets will host a free Easter party for children on March 31, from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m.

The event includes face painting, a balloon artist, an Easter craft and of course a visit from the Easter bunny. Bring your camera!

Find the Easter party in Suite 101 at the Lake Elsinore Outlets, 17600 Collier Ave., Lake Elsinore, 92530.

For more information call 951- 245-0087.

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

Momarama reader and Riverside resident Al Bartos emailed after reading Tuesday's item dealing with getting digital photos organized. (To read the blog post, click here. A previous post on Sunday, about organizing printed photos, is viewable here.)

"Just wanted to take a moment and say thank you for the article on digital photo storage/organization," Bartos wrote.

"I use Adobe Photo Elements and it is a great tool. However, it does not really give advice on how to organize the photos, at least not clearly. Your article with detailed references to the HP.com site is a godsend. I've been the family photographer for 45 years and I've done a fair job since about 1992 of organizing and archiving the photos but the HP references will make the job easier and better."

Anybody else use Adobe Photo Elements? I've never used it myself. I'd love to hear comments about what allows family photographers to do.

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BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

Our family photos are in an untidy heap, screaming for organization. (See Sunday's post, containing professional advice on organizing prints, by clicking here.)

At least our digital images are finally organized. Almost, anyway.

About a year ago, our aging PC was acting quirky. That led Hubby and I to fear that if it went kaput we'd lose 10 years' of digital photos we've taken of our kids. If pictures of my daughters' first minutes or my son playing with his great-grandmother suddenly vanished, I'd be heartbroken. Preserving those digital photos suddenly gained priority.

Some, not all, were backed up on CDs. Photo files were scattered in various electronic places on the hard drive. Few were labelled with dates or actual titles; most were called something like "P1000086.jpg."

Hubby bought an external hard drive to back up the PC's contents, relieving us of worrying about an imminent crash. That didn't magically organize our out-of-control image collection, of course. So Hubby moved photo files from the cantankerous PC onto a flash drive we designated for photos. From there he copied them onto our son's PC, a newer, faster one without a lot of electronic clutter.

Then the challenge was organizing and labeling all those images. (Hubby gets brilliant ideas; I get the tedious work.) That task has taken me many months, but it's nearly done. Then we can copy the newly organized files back onto the flash drive, delete the disorganized stuff and store the flash drive in a safe place. If we ever want to burn CDs or make prints, we can pull what we want from the flash drive. Future images can be put on that drive and when it's full we can buy another.

Completing this project will bring me great pride and relief. Digital photography can create impressive collections, but as we've discovered, without a system for organizing these precious electronic files, identifying them as you go, you end up with cyber-clutter, not a family archive preserved for posterity.

Hewlett-Packard's website offers tips for organizing dizzying numbers of digital photos. (To see that site, click here.)

HP's instructions assume you've already organized digital photos into folders. I started my project by moving image files into folders labeled by year. Once all photos were assigned a year's folder, I went through the folders in chronological order, further organizing contents by season, then event. (So the "2010" folder's "summer" subfolder in turn has subfolders labeled "family reunion" and "swimming lessons.")

After files are organized into folders, HP says to give descriptive file names to individual images.

"Who would recall that HPIM0007.JPG is their favorite shot of the kids from a family vacation to Paris?" HP says. Add details for better retrieval. "For instance, use Eiffel_tower_2007.jpg rather than Vacation_2007.jpg."

Name files immediately after downloading photos, HP says. (Not doing so was my biggest mistake.) For a few files, click each file name once to edit the file name.

For multiple files, HP recommends batching, automatically renaming many files simultaneously. (See HP's site for instructions on this and tagging photos using Windows Live Photo Gallery.) "Tagging" is attaching descriptive keywords to a file to improve searches: "If you're looking for a photo of your daughter Celia playing in the snow, but can't remember that the exact title is 'Winter_sleds_2008.jpg,' you can still find the image by searching for the tag 'Celia,' which will bring up every photo in which she is tagged," HP says.

Back up image files on CDs, DVDs or a flash drive. HP's site includes a chart explaining which method is best for you. Storing files on photo websites (Shutterfly.com, Kodakgallery.com or others) archives them, too, but you may have to buy prints to store files there indefinitely.

HP recommends backing up photos when you download and label them, or at least monthly. Keep tabs on technology so if CDs fall out of use you can transfer backup files to new technology.

After all, HP says, "If a person saved all their files on a floppy disc, it would be difficult to find a way to use those files now."

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BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

When my mother died, my sister-in-law created a photo collage to display at the wake and a slide show for the TV at my parents' home. It fell to me afterwards to put the prints away in their albums and boxes.

Thankfully my parents' boxes are organized by date. But the prints weren't. Photos not taken at some major event or a familiar place were mysteries. Which of dozens of boxes were their homes?

The experience sharpened my guilt over our own photos' state of neglect. Digital cameras and smart phones make it easy to take quality photos all the time. But I rarely get around to making prints of these images. And when I do get a batch of prints, I don't have a convenient moment to file them anywhere logical. The result? An enormous basket overflowing with a hodgepodge of loose photographs.

Family photos tend to be overlooked until a death or a major occasion, such as my in-law's 50th wedding anniversary a few years ago. Suddenly, finding decent pictures of loved ones takes on enormous emotional importance. Since my mom's death, I've become even more painfully aware that thousands of prints of our children lurk in the Great Photo Pile rather than any kind of user-friendly storage.

Several resources suggest ways to organizing family photos.

The Practical Archivist (www.practicalarchivist.com) makes the startling recommendation to throw a lot of pictures away - bad ones, of course, and those of unidentified places and people. However, "age and scarcity tend to go hand in hand," the site says. "For example, the only known photograph of your great-great Aunt Rose? Or your grandparents' wedding? Those are keepers."

Store those keepers in archival-quality photo storage boxes and folders. Archival pocket sleeves for 3-1/2 x 5-inch or 4 x 6-inch prints are another option, and the sleeves provide a place for labels.

"You'll need both long-term and more accessible storage," says www.StyleAtHome.com. "Options include albums, frames, photo storage boxes, computer or CD files, or a combination of these." Use boxes or albums of a single size, "so that they'll look neat when stacked."

Once you have a plan for storage, start organizing. Sorting photos by date is probably easiest.

"If you have a huge backlog, start sorting photos by year (or by decade and then by year, for a very big collection)," says StyleAtHome. "An economical short-term solution for large collections is to sort photos into bankers' boxes, available at office-supply stores, that are marked by year." Later move them to pricier archival-quality photo boxes when you know how many you're dealing with.

If you're going to store prints by date, start with the most recent photos and work backward. (An alternative: organizing by theme, event or person. "The latter is great if you plan to hand down a collection eventually," the site notes.)

Leaving prints in envelopes is fine; label the envelope with its contents rather than every photo - though, as I discovered, this won't help when you're putting away a print after it's removed. Of course, labeling the print when you take it out would solve that problem. For labeling photos, "use a pH-neutral pen, available at some photo-, art- and scrapbooking-supply stores," says StyleAtHome.

Set aside duplicates to give away. Weed out junky, blurry shots to toss.
But StyleAtHome echoes PracticalArchivist's advice: "Think twice about trashing shots that aren't technically perfect but are irreplaceable because they're either evocative of or the only record of a particular event, time or person in your life."

Albums showcase photos from special events or by themes, but it's difficult to store large numbers of prints in them. StyleAtHome suggests organizing photos in photo boxes, then creating albums only for the "highlights."

"Store negatives in three-hole binders with polypropylene sleeves" designed for this purpose, says StyleAtHome. Give the sleeves the same labels as their matching prints.
Photos deteriorate over time. Acid-free materials for mounting and storing photos will protect them for a lifetime, experts say. For indefinite preservation, scan photos to create digital images that can be stored on a durable medium such as a CD. Scan them with your computer, or at a local store (Walgreen's or CVS, among others) that can save the scanned images onto a CD, or bring them to a camera and print shop.

To frame photos, use acid-free materials and don't let the photo touch the glass, StyleAtHome warns. Exposure to sunlight increases fading.

Tips for dealing with digital images are coming up in in Tuesday's column.

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BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

Laurie Rathbun, a Murrieta parent, emailed to talk about Tuesday's column and blog post concerning the Wildomar fourth-grader with Asperger's syndrome who had a box in his classroom to provide a "quiet place" for him to calm himself. When Sage Rollins' mother learned of the box, she accused the teacher of mistreating her son and has taken legal action.

(The Press-Enterprise's news story about this can be read here. Tuesday's Momarama blog post about this can be read by clicking here.)

The incident provoked plenty of comments from Momarama readers, both in support of the teacher and from parents aghast that a child would either be put in a box or encouraged to use it voluntarily.

Rathbun's comments:

"I'm the mom of two boys with autism. My oldest son, 14, has Asperger's and my younger son, 12, has mild to moderate autism.

"I was outraged when I heard Sage Rollins' story. First of all, the teacher should have informed Sage's parents that she used this box method at his annual IEP [Individual Education Program] meeting. Parents should be informed about what behavior strategies are being used with their children. And, secondly, there are other better methods to help students with autism who have auditory issues.

"When my older son is bothered by noise in his classroom, he can tell his teacher that he needs to work in the hallway where it's quieter. He can also give his teacher an 'I Need a Break' card if he can't verbally let the teacher know that he's overwhelmed by noise. The card allows him to go to a quiet, safe place like the hallway, front office or another classroom. He can stay in these quieter places until he feels he can return to his classroom. Both of my sons have Behavior Support Plans that outline methods school staff can use with them.

"Students with autism can also wear noise-cancelling headphones, earplugs or listen on headphones to calming music while they work in the classroom. We need to teach Sage and other students how to cope in noisy situations in socially appropriate ways. Placing a 9-year-old in a large cardboard box at the back of a classroom is not helping him.

"How is Sage going to cope with noise when he's an adult? Is he going to carry around a cardboard box to crawl into?"

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BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

Momarama reader and Banning resident Ruth Rutherford weighed in on the controversy over the autistic Wildomar boy whose teacher used a box in the classroom to give him a "quiet place" when he needed to calm down. The boy's outraged mother has taken legal action.

(The Press-Enterprise's news story about this can be read here. Tuesday's Momarama blog post about this can be read by clicking here.)

Rutherford emailed to say:

"A few days ago, in looking at pictures of my granddaughters, I came across a delightful one of them decorating their refrigerator box house.

"I have no problem with what the teacher did in creating a box for the child to go to. Teachers have to be creative in developing ideas for handling children when they are disruptive in the classroom, and since the assignment was to provide a separate quiet place, a box works quite well.

"The problem, apparently, was that (1) the mother was not going into the classroom on occasion to see how the quiet place was arranged. (2) The child was fine with choosing to go there when he wanted to, but didn't want to be sent there. (3) Perhaps he needed a box that he had had input into in terms of coloring it and making it his own.

"As a retired teacher I recall so well the times when I had to deal with those kinds of circumstances. You cannot always think of all of the angles you need to."

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BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

Momarama reader Rosanne Diller was another to respond to Tuesday's blog post and column about the use of a box in an autistic fourth-grader's classroom to allow him a "quiet place" to calm himself.

(The Press-Enterprise's news story about this can be read here. Tuesday's Momarama blog post about this can be read by clicking here.)

Diller emailed to say:

"Usually I enjoy reading your blogs.

However, you have healthy neuro-typical children. I really don't feel like you are educated enough to comment on where or how a child with autism/Asperger's deals with his/her deescalation.

"The problem lies with the IEP [Individual Education Program]. Apparently, the 'box' was not identified as the place where the child can calm himself and the teacher took it upon herself to make that decision. Hopefully, the parents learned that everything has to be written in detail in an IEP in order for this not to have happened.

"Maybe that child was not affected by being put in the box, but as a parent of child with autism, I want my child to be as 'normal' as possible when looked upon by his peers. Being put in a 'box' in a regular ed classroom is an invitation for ridicule and bullying."

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BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

Momarama reader Galen Howard emailed his thoughts about the incident of the Wildomar boy with Asperger's syndrome using -- or possibly being sent to -- a cardboard box in his classroom when he needs a "quiet place" to calm himself. (The Press-Enterprise's news story about this can be read here. Tuesday's Momarama blog post about this can be read by clicking here.)

Howard's comments:

"Very interesting article I have been following in The Press-Enterprise. I teach in [Orange County] but live in Corona.

"I have worked [with] and taught severe special need students for more than 15 years. Been bitten five times, had to control physically many students over the years so as not to injure other students, intervene when attacks [occurred] against aides or other teachers, and protect myself against injuries from large, strong autistic and emotionally disturbed students that are too violent to spend time in too close proximity to others.

"Two months ago, I had to intervene when a large male student attacked a female teacher. He had previously severely assaulted an aide, and I had to physically take him to the floor to control the attack, protect five other students in the area, and I had to go to four weeks of physical therapy because I made certain I took the brunt of the fall, so the student was not injured.

"For three weeks I was under investigation, and the threat from the parents to sue me personally.

"My point is that parents and 'progressive educators' and politicians insist [upon] the 'mainstreaming' of many of these students in regular classrooms. This takes away instruction from the other students, aides often teach more class time since the credentialed teacher must deal with the behavior, parent meetings and investigation interrogation. I pay many extra dollars each year to provide millions [in] liability protection insurance, as none is provided by the school districts.

"My caseload exceeds the recommended eight students by double because of budget restraints, less teachers and aides than should be on hand each day, and each of the last four years had my pay decreased by furlough days. Fortunately my district has provided additional 'sensory rooms' where we can take students to calm down [with] rocking chairs, balance balls, padded mats and quiet time from overloaded noise from other students. Previously we also had to rely on similar methods as Ms. McFarlane. But I always made certain parents understood and were kept in constant communication when problems arose. 'Frontloaded' and being proactive is necessary before a crisis situation arises.

"I love my work overall, and my students, but since I am 65, it is time for me to retire because of the extra workload expected, the upcoming students are becoming more un-controlled, constant threats of litigation and increased student caseloads, especially those requiring more diverse and demanding needs for their education."

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BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

Jan Clark-George emailed to talk about the news story about the Wildomar fourth-grader with Asperger's syndrome, Sage Rollins, who had a box in his classroom to provide a "quiet place" for him. His mother was outraged when she found out, and has taken legal action.

Clark-George wrote to say:

"Thank you so much for your perspective in today's article, "'t's not about box, it's about a quiet place.' " (She read the print version of the blog post in today's The Press-Enterprise.)

"I am credentialed in special education and I have a granddaughter who has Asperger's syndrome.

"The first time I read about this parent's anger, I was confused. Questions popped up:

• Why hadn't the mother visited the classroom way before this incident?
• Why hadn't Sage mentioned this "box/safe haven" to Mom before now? He must not have been that unhappy with the strategy.
• Has the mother researched this strategy?
• And, over half the school year is over. Why now?

Depending on the severity of the Aspergers, children often need a place to block out overwhelming conditions. The teacher knew her stuff.

One last question, why was the teacher removed? Is the philosophy guilty until proven innocent? My sympathy lies with her, of course."

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BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

You know how some kids will ignore a big gift in favor of playing with the box it came in?

That proves a box isn't just a box. It's a toy. Or a prison. Or a sanctuary.

A whole bunch of people are arguing over whether Sage Rollins' box in his fourth-grade classroom at Ronald Reagan Elementary in Wildomar was, in effect, a cage or a haven.

Sage, 10 years old, has Asperger's syndrome, part of the autism spectrum of developmental disorders. Kids with Asperger's typically have limited social skills. In many cases, such as Sage's, they also have very little tolerance for loud noises or glaring lights.

So they get overstimulated easily. Sage was in a mainstream classroom at Ronald Reagan, but his education is guided by an Individual Education Program, or IEP, which lays out special classes, therapies or procedures for special-needs kids.

According to school and Lake Elsinore Unified School District officials, Sage's IEP says his classroom should have a quiet place where he can retreat when the classroom becomes too much and he needs to calm himself. (To read The Press-Enterprise coverage of this incident, click here.)

The trouble, according to his mother, Kim Rollins, is that his refuge was a box, and his teacher forced him to sit in it as punishment. She's filed a claim against the school district, described as a precursor to a lawsuit.

Sage's teacher, Sabrina MacFarlane - who has a state teaching credential for special-needs students - is on administrative leave. A Riverside County Sheriff's Department investigation found no wrongdoing.

There are a lot of agonizing aspects to this story - a mother's belief that her child was mistreated by educators who are supposed to nurture him; a teacher's career on the line; questions over how Rollins could have gotten halfway through the school year without knowing how the requirement for Sage's quiet area was carried out; the ups and downs of finding the best way to educate children with limitations and needs most kids don't experience; and of course, the stress and confusion this whole episode is probably causing Sage. (According to media coverage he's been placed in a different teacher's classroom while the school district investigates his mother's complaint.)

Any child needs a safe place, a quiet place, somewhere to curl up and calm down when life gets too overwhelming.

In our house, that refuge is usually the kids' rooms. They each have their own, kept in a state of clutter that screams "mess" to me but obviously represents freedom and comfort to them. (Arguments over how tidy their rooms should be make fodder for a different column.)

When my son was a preschooler, he used to curl up in our papasan chairs, one of those huge circular pillows propped atop a rattan base, with a book. It was an inviting nest.

My daughter, the tantrum-thrower in the family, is sometimes sent to her room until she can calm down enough to deal with whatever situation is at hand. Could this have been what MacFarlane was trying to accomplish by sending Sage to his box - if in fact she sent him there, rather than him voluntarily withdrawing? Sometimes Daughter flees to her room, slamming the door on her way, out of frustrated fury. Fine with me. I'd rather she pummel her pillows and sulk in her own space than tolerate her shrieking. Later, when the storm has nearly passed, she always wraps herself in my arms as her sobs taper off. Those fierce embraces are also a refuge for her. They let her know she's still loved and safe even when I'm angry with her. And they reassure me that despite her meltdowns, she's still a child who in her worst moments ultimately just needs comforting.

I don't know Sage Rollins, but I'll bet he has moments when he just needs the comfort a quiet, safe place offers. If that's his own private cardboard box, what's wrong with that? If either of my kids had crawled into a box to salve their emotional wounds, who am I to argue? If on the other hand Sage hates his classroom box, then his mother's accusations that school has become a source of distress rather than nurturing should be heard.

Do your children have a "safe place" at home for solace? Would it offend you if at school that place were a cardboard box? How do you teach your children to soothe themselves?

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BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

The moment my son gets home from school, he's on the computer. Sometimes it's for homework purposes. Sometimes I catch him watching "Star Wars" clips on YouTube when he's "forgotten" he had schoolwork. My daughter rushes sloppily through homework and chores, begging to watch TV the moment she's done. Whenever I restrict "screen" privileges, both kids howl like addicts denied a fix.

Hubby and I strike what I believe's a reasonable balance between too much screen time and banning it altogether. (Our rules: two hours a day, tops; nothing turns on before 9 a.m.; ask permission first; school and chores take priority.) I'll choose a book over TV anytime, but in today's world it's impossible to keep kids away from all electronic media, and they will need tech skills for their entire personal and professional lives. But I'm frustrated and saddened that Daughter, especially, seems incapable of entertaining herself without a DSI game, the TV or a DVD.

Experts urge parents to supervise kids' media use, ideally by watching shows or exploring websites together and discussing them afterward. But frankly I don't have enough hours in the day to scrutinize every show, movie, video or website for foul language, sexual images, violent lyrics or just plain stupidity.

I turned to several kids-and-media experts seeking practical ways parents can stay on top of their kids' screen time. How do we best protect our kids, monitor what they do and set boundaries that are actually enforceable?

Marriage and family therapist Jeremy G. Schneider cited two parent resources: Common Sense Media (click here) and Plugged In Online (click here), which provide summaries and independent reviews of various media to help parents decide what their kids can handle.

Bill Corbett, host of cable-TV program "The Parenting Show," recommends kids get one hour of electronic entertainment per day.

"Parents have to do the timing in the beginning and I encourage the use of visual timers ... rather than audible timers," which don't work, Corbett said. "Parents must slowly turn the timing task over to the child and eventually, the child becomes self-timed. In many cases, children even stop asking for entertainment electronics time because that one hour eventually doesn't seem to be very big." Kids with minimal exposure to electronics are more likely to accomplish homework and creative activities such as outdoor play, writing, drawing, etc., Corbett said.

"Establish the idea that using technology is a privilege," Schneider said. "If you set up fairly firm boundaries about how and when technology can be used, this can make things smoother in your house day-to-day because your kids will know what to expect."

Require kids to do homework and household chores before screen time. Consequences for failing to do so might be to lose screen time for a while. "Extra time can be [given] to recognize good behavior, too," Schneider said.

Kevin J. Roberts, author of "Cyber Junkie: Escape the Gaming and Internet Trap," agreed.

"Few things motivate today's youth more than access to the cyberworld," Roberts said. "Link phone upgrades to performance in school. If grades are slipping or assignments not getting turned in, take away the phone immediately. Most cell phone companies even allow you to go online and simply shut it off."

Don't underestimate the impact of violent video games, Roberts said. Boys especially gravitate to games such as Call of Duty and Halo that can be quite violent and laced with profanity.

"While parents may see these games as a digital version of playing 'army men,' it is important to understand that by using the online, or 'live' feature, young people are being exposed to wildly inappropriate subject matter," Roberts said. "Many parents take comfort from knowing their children are at home and 'staying out of trouble,' but the filth that used to be 'out there' is now just a click away."

Also beware unlimited, unsupervised cell phone use. Cell phones make it easier to keep in touch with kids, "but I find that most parents are unaware of the potential dangers," Roberts said. "I get calls from around the country from parents whose teens spend little time on homework and studying, but pay unceasing attention to their smart phone ... They use the smart phone to send massive amounts of text messages, but they also obsessively update Facebook, play games, and surf the Internet." Roberts cited one case of a 14-year-old girl who was failing four of six classes. Turns out she was sending hundreds of texts during the school day. Many teens text friends throughout the night, too, so the cell phone is directly undermining their sleep.

"Armed with a smart phone, young people easily evade parental attempts to restrict cyber time. They no longer need a computer or game console. Everything required to overindulge in the cyber world fits in the palm of a hand and is easily concealed," Roberts wrote.

One way to work around this is to consider that many "cyber-addicted" kids are "innately adventurous," Roberts said. They're finding adventure online. If this sounds like your child, try substituting other activities, such as paint ball, geo-caching, laser tag, bike rides, Renaissance fairs, drama classes, canoeing, hunting, scavenger hunts, spontaneous road trips, sports or martial arts, Roberts suggested.

"When you find ways to engage your child's spirit of adventure or need for intensity in the real world, interest in video games and other cyber activities goes down," he said.

Not all video games are bad. Roberts endorsed "Dance, Dance Revolution" and Wii games, because they provide aerobic exercise and can be played together as a family.
"One family whom I counsel allows their son to go on physically active [Microsoft] Kinect games for 20 minutes, after which he must then do 20 minutes of homework. The 13-year old finds that his ability to focus significantly increases after a little time on Kinect, and makes the whole homework process a lot more fun." This example proves brain studies showing certain neurotransmitter levels go up after aerobic exercise, Roberts said.

Severely limiting media is less effective than using it as an incentive, Roberts said. But "for some children, parental control is quite necessary. In those cases, I send families to Family Safe Media, which sells a variety of control devices that make the job a whole lot easier (click here).

How do you monitor your kids' media use? Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

South Coast Winery Resort & Spa in Temecula is hosting a "Girls' Getaway" on March 8 from 8:30 a.m. to 3 p.m.

$75 buys you a breakfast and lunch buffet - breakfast is with Brandon Joffe, a nutrition coach and chef - seminars with life coach Tammy Hotsenpiller; and an appearance by former Miss Galaxy Cynthia Teran.

"Today more than ever, women are turning to life coaching for personal enhancement,
emotional balance and mental fortitude," the winery's website says.

South Coast is at 34843 Rancho California Rd., Temecula, 92591.

Buy tickets by clicking here.

For more information, call 951-587-9463, ext. 1

Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

Does your child have a great set of pipes? (Or do you?)

If so -- and you've got a patriotic streak, too -- the Lake Elsinore Storm says it's holding auditions for people who want to sing the national anthem before a game this season. Audtions are March 10.

Here are the details from the Storm:

"The Lake Elsinore Storm Baseball team would like to give you the opportunity to sing the national anthem before a Storm game. The Storm will be holding national anthem auditions Sat., March 10 from 10 a.m. to 12 p.m. at The Lake Elsinore Diamond.

"All individuals or groups who are interested in singing/performing "The Star Spangled Banner" prior to a 2012 game should audition on this date. Appointments are not necessary, as anthem auditions are available on a first-come, first served basis -- but registration will close promptly at 12 p.m.

"Interested parties must complete an audition form (click here) to submit prior to your performance. All participants must be at least 8 years old and accompanied by a parent and/or guardian if under the age of 16. No prior singing experience is necessary.

"Audition performances must be kept under 90 seconds due to day-of-game time constraints. Vocal submissions must be a cappella and instrumental auditions are also welcomed. Music sheets and/or lyric sheets will not be allowed at the audition or at the game performance. Performances must be military style, with no additional notes, verses or variations.

"Please keep in mind that an audition does not guarantee a game performance.

"Please contact Tracy Kessman at (951) 245-4487 or by email at tkessman@stormbaseball.com for further information."

Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com

BY MAURA AMMENHEUSER
MOMARAMA MOM-IN-CHIEF

The Temecula Valley High School band will perform at tonight's fundraising concert for Marine Cpl. Juan Dominguez, band director Anthony Scarcella said.

The concert promoters invited the band to perform before the opening acts. The group will play at 6 p.m. when concert gates open. The band will be on the third-floor balcony of City Hall.

Dominguez lost both legs and his right arm on Oct. 23, 2010, when he landed on a buried bomb while serving in Afghanistan. He's undergone 23 surgeries and is now an outpatient at the U.S. Naval Medical Center in San Diego.

The Gary Sinise Foundation honors military members and veterans by "creating and supporting unique programs designed to entertain, educate, inspire, strengthen and build communities." Sinise is the actor who played amputee Lt. Dan in the movie "Forrest Gump." (See www.GarySiniseFoundation.org.)

The Gary Sinise Foundation is putting on this concert together with the Stephen Siller Tunnel to Towers Foundation, which hosts an annual Tunnel to Towers Run at Ground Zero in New York City. This foundation works to build specially-designed "smart homes" for seriously wounded U.S. service personnel. (See www.TunneltoTowers.org.)

The concert begins at 7 p.m. at Town Square Park at the Civic Center in Old Town Temecula, 41000 Main Street, Temecula, 92589. For tickets, click here.

Join the conversation at blogs.inlandsocal.com/moms, PE.com or Momarama's page on Facebook. Or send an email to pe.momarama@yahoo.com